#to wasting *someone elses* money on myself for nothing which is an easy 80 or so on the guilt scale and is only worse if it costs more

[imthatwannabeauthor]

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[suchawonderfullife]

Rebuilding My Life After a Decade of Illness

It’s been over 1 year since my first round of treatment at Hansa. Honestly it feels like 3 years because my impatience gets the better of me and I just want a normal life again. I am feeling quite frustrated and “stuck” between two worlds at the moment. My health is certainly better than it was before treatment, I’d say I’m still sitting at around 70-80% health. 

My Grandfather became sick 2 months ago and was diagnosed as terminal. My health deteriorated significantly from the stress and grief of watching him slowly die over 6 weeks. I really thought my health was in a better place and was surprised by my deterioration. It just goes to show you how toxic stress is to the body. My health dipped to around 50% and now I have to work to build it back up. I’m struggling with fatigue, air hunger, mood swings, bone pain and more. I’m still able to work, but the pain I experience in my body working a physical job has increased dramatically as my muscles and organs don’t have the strength they had a few months ago. 

My frustration lies with my work life. I don’t see myself as a “sick” person anymore, I don’t really belong in that category of illness being my entire existence and needing the doctors visits, medications and constant rest to simply survive. I have a life now, I can care for myself completely, run errands, work a few shifts a week etc. But I’m not fully back into the working world because I can’t work full time, I don’t have a career or any qualifications and so I feel like I’m balancing on a tight rope, just teetering between the “sick world” and “working world” because I’m not quite in both. 

I’m currently working as a waitress and looking to study a cert 3 or 4 at T.A.F.E. to gain skills in becoming a receptionist. I know I should be grateful to be able to do any of this. Considering 5 years ago I was bedridden with carers, I couldn’t even sit up for 10 minutes, I couldn’t hold a conversation, I left my house once every 3 months in a wheelchair and my Dr thought I was going to die. I wanted to die because my suffering was so unbearable and unrelentless. To have fought as hard as I have to save my life, I should be in awe of my achievements and where I’m at. In one instance I am, but in another, I’m also embarressed. Because I’m not really part of that “sick” world anymore, I don’t see it as ‘well I’m sick so the fact I’m working 10 hours a week is amazing,’ I see it as ‘my health is pretty good (considering where it was) but I can only work 10 hours a week.’ 

I wish I didn’t care what people think, but I do think a lot about how my life appears to those on the outside. That’s what the quote above represents. I’m not quite there yet, of not caring about how my life looks to others. I’m almost 30 years old and I work in a job with people a decade younger than me.They’re doing what is expected at that age of studying at University, or working full time or raising children and using the waitressing as a way of earning extra money. I just feel like - I’m 30, working as a waitress and that’s all I do; it looks like I’m lazy and umambitious to those who know nothing of my story. Which is me putting words in everyone’s mouth of course and simply judging myself because I have no evidence of this. Don’t get me wrong either, I love my job and the people I work with. I’ve always loved hospitality work and I’m proud of where I work, but if I wasn’t sick, that would be my second job on top of a career or study, instead it being all I do. 

Then I think about getting a certificate to help me gain work as a receptionist. People will say to me “so what do you do for work?” and my reply will be “Oh I’m a receptionist at a GP’s office.” Now there’s nothing wrong with being a waitress or receptionist, I mean no disrespect to those who have those jobs. But I’m coming from where I was career wise before I got sick and the vision I had of my life. I don’t want to study to help me get a job as a Receptionist because I think ‘yeah i’d love to do that,’ it’s an option because I think ‘it’s a job my body could cope with.’ I’m angry because I feel my potential and my intelligence has been wasted. My memory and overall intelligence is not as high as it was because of the toxins in my brain and that frustrates me. But I’m still incredibly smart and driven. I’m just restricted greatly by my bodies limitations. 

I also feel like coming out of a decade of illness and rebuilding my work life, it’s similar to when you finish highschool and then get a job. Back when I finished Highschool, I went to University, got my Personal Training qualifications on top of that and worked 3 jobs. Now, I feel that I look like that lazy kid out of highschool, that doesn’t have the ambition for Uni and instead goes ‘meh I’ll go work this waitressing job on weekends and do some cert 3 at Tafe and work as a receptionist.’ You know the type of person, that they’re happy getting by on an easy life and doing the bare minimum? Which is FINE, I have no judgement to those who want that life because we need people in those kinds of jobs. But I never wanted that life. That’s not who I am. I’m a type A personality, according to the ‘personality experts’ I’d make a great Principle, Governer or CEO. Can you imagine the career or things in life you want the most? The goals you set for yourself and work hard to achieve? But not being able to work towards them or achieve them because of your health? Instead you have to settle for far less than you know you’re capable of. No wonder my Dr says I carry so much anger and resentment in my liver. I feel like my body is a prison I can never escape. 

Losing my entire 20′s to being seriously ill, I feel like at 30 I’m back at square one, rebuilding my work life, only this time it’s so much harder because I’m older and limited in my options due to my still restricted health. I have worked in the last 10 years, but it’s been sporadic (in periods of better health), or I’ve worked for myself so my hours were minimal. My biggest drive to recieving treatment overseas was so I could work for an employer consistently without being a burden or having to quit 6 months later due to relapse. I wanted to be able to work and have a life too, before my treatment it was either work a few days a week but do nothing else, or care for yourself and go out once every few weeks. So my frustration is not about the fact that I’ve done no work for the past 10 years, it’s about the fact that I wasn’t given a choice in the work I could do, the career I could build or the goals I could set for myself.  

Also, when it comes to looking for work, I have to be very skillful in how I present myself to potential employers because they can be more likely to pick someone much younger. I also have to have back stories ready as to why I’m only available certain hours or explaining previous employment hours or outcomes because I feel I could be judged for the illness I had. I’ve been fortunate to find work quite easily despite these obstacles and I feel my intelligence is a testament to that. 

I just got hired in a second job today, working in retail, which I’m really excited about. I really hope it’s another step forward in creating a work-life and career for myself that reflects my capabilities and ambition. Maybe in 10 years I’ll be a Manager of a multi-million dollar business, I know I have those skills as I’ve worked as a Manager, ran teams of people and really thrived at it. But right now I’m exhausted, I’m disappointed at my bodies failings from my current stress, I’m frustrated at my limited options for work due to my health and I want so much more because I know I’m capable and it’s what I deserve. 

I still have to focus greatly on my healing. I’m terrified of relapse, or getting cancer in 5, 10, 20 years because of my compromised immune system and the statistics of my life expectancy. I still take all my treatments from Hansa multiple times a day, I have to focus on my diet, I do detoxing multiple times a week and use things like essential oils. I started acupuncture 2 weeks ago under recommendation from my Hansa Dr to help rebuild my health. I plan to do that every week for 4-6 weeks and then look at moving onto a Homeopath or Kinisiologist to work out my next moves to keep repairing my body. This stuff costs a lot of money too. I’m always stressed about money and having to juggle whether I pay for treatment that can help, or pay that bill or contribute to my savings to grow the life my partner and I want. It’s such a hard balance to work out. Then I think what the hell do healthy people spend their money on? 

I think it’s OK that I’m frustrated right now. Because it means I will keep pushing myself to get better and growing my work-life as I want it. Patience has never been my strong suit. I hope my new retail job creates a stable job I can build up my hours with, to create more stamina for my body, I’ll study a cert 3 or 4 at Tafe and maybe go back to Uni for another Bachelor’s degree. The universe usually aligns things for me at the right time so that everything works out. I have to keep reminding myself of that. 

[somelazysundays]

2020... so far.

2020. What a year, am I right?

We lost so many meaningful people that have shaped and changed the world to where it is today. I’ve lost someone who meant the world to me, someone who was a father figure to me, my uncle, my best friend. I hope you rest in peace my 88 (what we called our Uncle).

I honestly don’t know why I’m writing this but with there’s nothing else to do besides think. 

I think this year really became the year where I have started to think about my life more seriously. Health, love, marriage, family, the four important pillars to me. Of course, don’t forget finances in the grand scheme of things but without those four pillars, money doesn’t matter. 

Health. 5 years ago, I lost my dad to lung cancer. It’s something I’m not afraid to speak about nor do I mind answering questions related to my dad or cancer in general. Life went on, I was a completely different person 5 years ago. I focused all my energy into working and moved jobs until I was finally at a comfortable place to take a step back and reflect. The one thing I’ve always neglected was my own health. 

It wasn’t until this year with Covid-19, my “wedding”, and my uncle passing (not from covid, thank God) did I take my health seriously. I used to think “oh, I’ll start tomorrow/next week/next month.” And even though I did managed to get one day’s worth of work in, I continued to make excuses about continuing. Truly, it’s all a mental game. I woke up at 5AM everyday in February, commuted into the city which took roughly an hour, and worked out for an hour before getting into work by 9AM. I promised myself I’d at least do it for a week and preload my phone with different workout apps and all (I do recommend the SWEAT app if you’re willing to spend a little money and prefer a preset program provided for you).

Then, I let myself go. In March we were forced to work from home and stay quarantined indefinitely. I stopped working out because I broke out of the habit of habit of having to wake up at 5AM and there’s no more commute time. I can literally roll out of bed 5 mins before 9AM and “be at work.” There’s also no equipment at home besides a yoga mat and I just can’t do yoga everyday, I find it too boring (good for like a 5 min stretch, personal preference). 

And then I got so sick of myself, I felt so gross and disgusted whenever I looked at myself in the mirror. That was until I found Chloe Ting on YouTube! Her workouts are all free and she also provides workout schedules depending on what you want to target. You don’t HAVE to follow her schedules to the dot but that’s just what she recommends for you to get the best results within the program duration. 

Since starting in April, I weighed a hefty 190lbs (86kg for the non-American folks), honestly just plain disgusting. Slowly but shortly, I started with her 4 week ab workout program, then her 2 week shred (where I just wanted to die everyday), finished the booty program and now I’m on the slimmer thighs program. Not gonna lie, I’ve slacked through summer because it is just too damn hot/humid to find an F to give. But now that it’s September, 5 months later, I’ve lost 15-20lbs (7kg). I’ve been taking progress photos and it’s actually quite shocking to see how different I look (debating if I’ll ever post these pics lol).

But working out is only part of it right? Exercise is 20% of the battle and diet is the other 80%. I’ve managed to cut out processed carbs as well as cooked a lot more thanks to quarantine. My diet now consists mostly of coffee (I still indulge in some creamer), green tea, whole wheat bread, eggs (a TON of eggs), sausages, sandwich meats (not good but a few slices here and there don’t hurt when you run out of things to eat), dumplings (backup option), yogurt, meatballs and a lot of water. Yes my diet is boring but when you’re like me where you don’t want to think and just make something quick to eat to get you through the day, this works. I’ll try to mix things up where I make omelettes with eggs and some sandwich meats, maybe sprinkle a bit of cheese if I have. All in all, it’s not too crazy. As for dinner, I eat whatever the FIL/MIL is cooking less rice. I try to load up more on the vegetables and protein.

I struggle so much with dieting, but discipline is key, as cliche as that sounds. It’s so easy to give into temptations, other people can throw you off the track easily with “oh just one won’t hurt you,” “it’s not that bad” tactics. Don’t. Listen. To. Them! Trust your gut! You’ve worked so hard to get to where you are, don’t let yourself go so easily! You remember how hard and long the journey was to get to where you are now, don’t put all your efforts to waste! It also gets easier once this becomes a habit. After a while of eating “clean,” I can’t stomach junk food as much nor as easily anymore. And shockingly, I’m glad.

Again, I don’t know what the purpose of this post is but I figured I’d just write down my thoughts. These sort of thoughts run in my mind constantly especially when I’m working out. I’ve always grateful that I have a comfy “office” job that I am currently doing at home and I can practically do my workout whenever it is convenient for me. I’m blessed that I have all this opportunity and time in my disposal and only I know what’s the right choice for me. I’m blessed that I can start taking care of my health now before it gets to late. 

If anybody wants to talk life, fitness, love, marriage, family, let’s talk!

[foxyyeonjun]

✧ mutuals and friends plz read

i’m sure some of you read my tags from last night.  i’m really sorry if i worried any of you guys.  i’m just in a really frustrating situation.  so i made this post to talk about some stuff.

LONG post, read below if you want to:

this past school year has been really tough on me.  if you didn’t know, i’m doing a science related six year program.  i’ve said this before, i was never a science person, the subject just doesn’t come to me as easy as it does for some other people.  college has been difficult.  i was an A student up until i graduated high school.  ever since college started, i’ve been struggling.  but i managed to survive four years.  they say the fourth year is supposably the toughest year out of all six.  as much as i hate to admit what kind of failure i am, i have to go to summer school and retake two parts of two courses.  it’s annoying that i have to go thru the tough courses again, not to mention that i have to spend extra money and time on these again.  in my program, a passing grade is a c-, so anything below a 70 is considered failing.  it kills me everytime that i get a bad grade.  because it’s not like i don’t spend time and study.  i do study a lot but for whatever reason, i just keep getting grades that don’t reflect how much work i’m putting into schooling.  maybe it’s because i didn’t spend enough time, maybe it’s because the way i study is not productive, or maybe i have test anxiety.  i’ve tried different ways: study with a group, go to review and tutoring sessions. if the bad grade was because i haven’t tried, then maybe, yeah, i’ll admit it’s my fault.  but i’ve been trying.  i tried and tired and tried...but it just doesn’t seem enough.. sometimes i feel really bad for my parents because they have to deal with this and worry about my grades for me.  but what they don’t understand is that no matter how much they worry or be mad, i’m the person that is worried and mad the most.  the way they act and talk just add more pressure on me as if i don’t have enough pressure already.  they’re always like “i don’t want to keep talking about it but.......” and then they’d get mad again.  i’m trying so hard not to think about it and let it worry myself but they just keep bringing it up.  i was home for two weeks and 95% of the times they were talking about school and grades.  whenever i’m at school i always say i can’t wait to go home and that i miss my parents, which is true.  but whenever i’m actually at home, it just makes me want to escape from there.  my mum is mad/yelling at me 80% of the times when i’m at home, it’s like no matter what i do or don’t do, i can never be right.  and this isn’t even the worst part.  what bothers me the most is that they are blaming svt for all these.  they kept saying i’m doing bad in school is because of svt.  they don’t even want me to mentioned the name svt to them.  some of the things that my mum said really made me sick.  whenever my mum says anything, i’ve learned to just keep quiet because i know if i try to explain myself, she’ll say i’m “making up excuses” and becomes even more angry.  what they don’t understand is that svt is one of the few things that make me really happy.  my mum always say that i’m spending too much of my time and money on these people who have nothing to do with me and that i’m getting no benefit whatsoever and she hates the concept of me being a fan.  i’ve regretted so much for telling her that i wrote a song about/for woozi because ever since i’ve showed her the song, she always pressure me and say “why don’t you write something” or “you’re wasting your talent” whenever i mention svt to her.  she just doesn’t understand.  it doesn’t work like this.  it’s not like i can just be like oh i wanna write a song and boom a song can happen just like that.  i’m too stressed about school i have no inspiration to write anything.  my parents don’t understand that svt is what’s supporting me mentally.  there are a lot of times when i just want to give up because school has drained me physically mentally and psychologically.  but then i’d look at svt and they make me so happy and i’d think to myself, maybe i can get thru this difficult obstacle that’s in front of me right now, maybe i should just work a little bit more harder, maybe it’ll all be worth it.  it’s really sad and exhausting to do something that you don’t like or doesn’t really interest you but sometimes you just have to because that’s how life works.  i’ve never actually said this before because i tried to be positive and i kept telling myself that maybe things aren’t that bad, but i feel completely awful and miserable.  i’m the kind of person who can’t eat when being stressed, so being in constant stress because of school is really bad for me.  i don’t sleep enough, i don’t eat enough, i don't feel happy and i’m really exhausted in every way.  like i’ve said, this past year has been really tough on me.  i know this will sound cheesy but svt and all the new friends that i’ve made ever since i joined the fandom became my strength and are what make my miserable self feel a bit better and make me want to believe things aren’t so bad after all.  maybe my mum is right about me spending so much time and money on this, being someone whose in their 20s, i probably shouldn’t be a fan anymore, but i really don’t want to give up on something so special that’s making me feel things that i’ve never felt before.  but my parents just don’t seem to understand.  i told them that svt is having a world tour and i really want to go see the concert but all i got from my parents is just them being more angry at me.  i understand they want me to focus on school because i really have to do well in summer school but what’s so wrong of me wanting to go to a concert?? we used to live so close to nyc and now that my family moved, we basically live in the middle of nowhere with nothing around.  yeah, sure, there’s disney and universal, but how many times can you go there before you get sick of it because there’s literally nothing else around where we live.   it wasn’t my idea to move, this isn’t fair.  everything seems to be stressing me out and it makes me feel so sick.  i’m constantly trying to keep myself together but it’s just too hard... i’m just so sad and tried and exhausted and i feel so drained from everything...i’m really on verge of giving up on everything.  but don’t worry i’m not suicidal.  i guess sometimes i just don’t know how to handle things when i feel extremely overwhelmed.

i was actually really hyped about svt’s comeback and the fact that they’re having a world tour is so exciting.  but with the way things are right now, i don’t think i can go see them at all, i probably can’t even buy the new album.  i really don't want to be a b*tch about it because trust me it makes me happy that my friends are able to go to the concert and see svt but i just don’t want to hear about it and let anyone rub it in my face that they get to go to the concert and all i get is sit at home being sad and listen to my parents yelling at me.  i guess i’ll be fine if i just don't see it or don’t think about it.  but i’m so sad right now and everything is making me feel sick.  which is why i decided to put my blog on hiatus for two months starting on monday, because one, i really have to focus on summer school and two,  i just don’t think i can handle anything svt related right now.  i’m gonna finish making edits from the teasers and i’ll have my queue running but i probably won’t be on here much for the next two months.  i know i’ll miss out on a lot of stuff so please tag me in anything and everything, i really appreciate it and i’ll check them when i can.  

i’m sorry that i made such a long depressing post.  it’s basically just me ranting.  i really don't know where and how i can let things out.  thank you if you read everything, thank you for caring and i’d also want to thank my friends who reached out to me since yesterday, i don’t deserve you guys.       

[drewkatchen]

I once had a Gold Honda Accord like this; it was stolen

I’m horrible at telling stories out loud, like at a party or in a loud bar. I’m just not good at it. Some people relish the attention and curiosity a good story affords, but I generally want no part in it.

Something happens in the nanoseconds between when people are riffing and I recall a moment worth sharing and then I tee it up to a group of listeners, willing or otherwise. It just goes south...and fast. I lose all sense of pacing and delivery, and I get nervous and my hands start moving continuously and my eyes get big and I just want to disappear. And then I don’t know where to look and then I start seeing that I’m losing people and I get flustered and weird. What a mess, right? 

I think it stems from just never really feeling comfortable talking about myself or my experiences. I never got that. Somehow the moments in my life and what I’ve witnessed seem inauthentic compared with someone else and their life. In my family, at least on my mom’s side, to talk about ourselves in any way was near criminal, an act of arrogance that made you look selfish or something, bringing you undeserved attention. So I never did it. Does my mother have a favorite food or film? I couldn’t tell you. I think that’s mostly from why I’m abysmal at talking in groups. It’s not that I haven’t experienced anything important or impactful, obviously, but for me to convey it and share it with another takes a form of ego I never learned to have.

Yes, I know I’m not a child anymore and it’s time to be an adult. I get it.

But I have learned over the years to navigate around that roadblock: I just write things down. Writing suits me better. Sitting alone is easy and mulling things over and pulling out of my brain whatever I want without having to consider an immediate audience and their needs is a piece of cake. And I can edit and revise and get up for coffee and come back and keep plugging away. Simple.

The story I’m about to recount for you is actually one that I have broken character for in the past and have told out loud to close friends over the years. I’m not contradicting myself; if anything this story is the exception that proves the rule. I’m firmly aware that it’s the one time in life I’ve drawn a real winner, and it always seems to bring the house down whenever I trot it out or am coaxed by someone who knows it. It’s one that even my most hardened of friends -- the ones who would rather spare a limb than laugh with exuberance at anything -- can’t deny in the moment. What makes it so good? Its universality, that’s what. It’s something that could have happened to anyone, or at least a part of it is relatable, I believe.

But the one thing I’ve never done is actually write this down, and before all of the particulars escape me, I probably should. I’ve been thinking about it for a long time, mostly because it’s also the one story I have that cracks me up every time I think of it.

---

I often think about how I would share the moment were I a stand-up comic and I wanted to immediately win over disenchanted audience members.

It would start something like this: Good evening, everyone! Good evening. So....How many of you have ever had your car stolen? 

I know, I know...it happens.

(Pause for some mild laughter, applause and hoots from the crowd)

Ok, ok...well, how many of you have had your car stolen and then...how many of you stole the car back from the people that stole it from you?

(Pause for maybe louder laughter or people yelling at me to get off stage)

-----

It was the winter of 2003. Shifting into my mid twenties after college meant a lot of ego bruising and mostly failing at life in a new city. I was no longer a big fish on a college campus (but was I ever?). Everything had come to a standstill. I had either lost a decent editing job or I was about to lose it (can’t remember), and my roommate and I had a falling out over nothing significant but it was still cataclysmic at the time. Then she moved into her own place, and then I was on the precipice of leaving Somerville, Mass. and Boston for good and retreating to my grandmother’s home and finally accepting that maybe my misguided attempt at just being cool wasn’t really a solid strategy for living. I needed to grow up and fast; money was running out. I teetered on the brink of having enough cash for a burrito and gas every day, and any major expense could shut me down completely. Great days, for sure.

In the midst of all that personal tumult, a party in Providence drew me out one frigid evening. I had to maintain some type of contact with the outside world in order to keep from melting down completely, and some friends had established a crew outpost down there, and they invited me over. Some records, some drinks to pass some hours. I was in.

The short of it is that it was a nice time, and then I made the drive home in the early hours of the morning. Unlike some stories, the party isn’t where the action of this story goes down.

Parking in my area was something you prayed for on a good day, but parking there at four in the morning on a weekend, well you could basically forget about it. I could be circling for hours, but then again, I guess I wasn’t on much of a schedule so it didn’t much matter. But...but...but....what was this I saw? Was it a mirage in a parking desert? How the hell was I getting lucky now? Who moved at this hour and why hadn’t someone else scooped this up? Just steps from my apartment and just close enough to a forbidden yellow intersection corner that could get you towed (but still just enough space to squeeze in my 1994 Champagne Honda Accord) was a glorious spot just waiting on me. It practically had my name on it in neon. I was tired and the thought of an hour-long hunt for parking at that hour was horrifying. So I squeezed in and thought that even if I got a ticket for being too close to the intersection, then it was worth it for snatching the trophy of actual parking on my block.

I locked up, got inside, brushed my teeth and called it a damn night.

Beautiful.

---

Before I proceed, there’s something I should come clean about. In my family, we may have not talked much, but my folks always made sure I had a car. I have to give them props for it. It was always a Honda Accord and it always worked, barring a few exceptions (there was a time my stepdad pushed my broken-down car with his car on the side of I-26, but that’s a story for another time). I have vivid memories of my mom sourly telling me how coveted and how easy to steal the “Champagne” (her words) Honda Accord was, and it looks like that is somewhat true. I guess my thought on that is why don’t they get another kind of car, but since my mom bought her very first Accord in 1984 with her own money (God, I remember how excited and happy she was at the time. I can still see it.) she has been devoted to the brand. So in college and after, my car was the Gold Accord and that is what I was driving that fateful night in Somerville, Massachusetts. That is the car that was parked on the street.

---

Sometimes you wake up early even when you’re bone tired. Whether it’s for a bathroom break, a bad dream or an invasive car alarm goes off, it can happen. That morning, I remember jumping up about halfway into my sleep, around 8:30 A.M., just to make sure I hadn’t been ticketed for parking near the yellow part of the curb. By that point, alternate side parking would have kicked in, and I likely could have just moved it with some ease.

Walk to the window while rubbing my eyes. The wood floor cold on my bare feet.

CAR...IS...DEFINITELY...NOT...THERE...OH...GOD...WHERE...IS...MY...CAR.

I am now awake.

Reacting to my first thought that the car had been towed, I called the number for the city’s tow lot to check in on my precious Accord. At the time, I was basically living off quarters from my couch, so I wasn’t certain I could pay to get my car back, but I had some time to figure it out if that meant calling either of my folks and begging a bit.

“Listen, your car isn’t here yet,” a really bored voice responded on the other end of the phone. I’m sure I was panting, knowing me. “But the tow trucks are all on their way back from nightly runs, so give it an hour an call back. Nothing else for me to tell ya.” It was definitely a ‘ya’ and not a ‘you.’

It’s cool, just wait an hour to hear if you have a car or not! Don’t stress or anything. No big deal. Sheesh.

I can’t help the predictability of the story so far. Stick with me, stuff starts happening.

Yes, I call back the tow lot an hour later. Probably the worst hour of my life: exhausted and horrified. You can guess what happened: The car didn’t come back on the trucks, because why would it, which means it had been stolen, a fact that now maybe seems less surprising if I heeded my mom’s multiple warnings and given that a year ago the guy my roommate was dating at the time had his car stolen off our block. But that was the only time I ever heard about that happening in our neighborhood; it wasn’t a common occurrence. I was used to parking tickets, but not this.

“Didn’t I put the damn club on the car before going upstairs? Did they break through it?”

I’m on just a few hours sleep; I was really looking forward to just wasting this cold winter day doing not much more than sleeping, eating the scraps in the fridge and maybe some more sleeping. Instead, I bundled up and headed out to the area police department to file a stolen car report, a trip so certain to turn up nothing that I couldn’t even tell why I was doing it. If my car wasn’t already turned inside out for its parts or sold off entirely and was on its way elsewhere, then I would have been massively surprised. I pictured a guy, a guy with bad skin and gloves -- yes an ‘80s movie villain -- and a leather jacket dropping it off somewhere to the big boss in a fancy suit. I think I’m picturing the auto garage in Adventures in Babysitting, aren’t I?

If you’ve stuck with me so far, here’s where it kicks in: I’m out in the cold and in the snow, I’ve been walking for a minute and I roll up to this curb in Somerville’s Union Square. Do you know it? Back in 2003, it wasn’t much. It had a random cafe or two, PA’s Lounge (where I saw Floor and Converge play to virtually no one) and maybe some laundromats and bodegas and taco joints. I don’t know what it is now because I haven’t been there in years, but back then it still was pretty anonymous.

Union Square in Somerville, Mass.

I hit the corner of Walnut and Bow Streets, and this is when it gets real.

My car. My precious Gold Honda Accord that survived a drive from Goose Creek, South Carolina all the way to Massachusetts in order to be my sturdy companion was just sitting there on the corner. ON THE CORNER! It was mine; it had the Carolina plates. No mistaking it. And it was running. The car was running...and...it was unlocked. My stolen car, in front of my face, running on the side of the road, looking so sad and alone, discarded as if it had no owner or a purpose. But the owner was me! What the? Why the? Is this candid camera? Or, perhaps it was left running while the crummy thieves went into a bodega to get some snacks before heading out of town? Who knows. This was before I had a cell phone, so I couldn’t notify police and stay with the car until they arrived. It was so insane and unbelievable that I would be walking down any street, to the police department no less, and see my stolen car running. I did a 360, spinning around to make sure I wasn’t being watched and there was no one running back to it. And I just drove away. I legit drove with my eyes going in a million different places at once, half expecting someone to start shooting at me on this damn semi-suburban street. People were walking to get milk or head to the bus, and I was taking my car back from jerks. It was such an insane experience and sensation to have in essence stolen my car back from whoever took it from me. It was the weirdest, dumbest, most bewildering feeling. But I was happy, of course, to have it back.

So what do I do? What does this guy do?

I go home of course because where else can I go? Neither of my parents lived in the state and what could my friends do? We were all broke at the time of our lives, so they weren’t gonna be much help. To get the car started, the thieves had to gut the ignition, so I couldn’t even turn off the Honda. I drove it home. Yes, there was parking at that hour, so I’m in my car and in front of my house. Life is so dumb. I have the key, but I can’t turn off the car, but I can lock it. I have a locked, running car on my hands. So I run up and I call my mother. Of course, she is dumbfounded.

“You what? You found what? You found it where? Huh? Go to the police department with it and tell them.” She’s literally screaming into the phone, which was cordless, so I’m keeping one eye on the street and my car while she’s talking. It was all so bizarre.

It was probably close to ten in the morning at this time.

Going to the Somerville police made the most sense, I suppose, but what to say and how to say it? While driving there, I noticed whoever stole the car dug a knife or a key into the front interior, slicing it up in places because maybe they were bored or something? The radio was still there, but they stole the knob to control the AC and heat? Who were these dummies?

The parking lot for the Somerville station isn’t big; I pull up and I still can’t turn off the car. It’s just chilling and running, doing it’s sad thing. I’m not smooth or particularly persuasive or forceful, so I just go in and tell the police at the front desk what happened. They looked me like I was a jerk as I was explaining this idiot caper to them. Maybe I’m lucky they didn’t cuff me? 

Officer Bennett in Home Alone 2. This is basically the look I got from police, which I understand.

And in the “you can’t make this stuff up” department, the officers told me the answer to my problems was an auto body shop right behind their building and they could fix me up.

I guess I let out a sigh of relief and was on my way again. What a morning.

The final drive of this journey was to the auto shop. A guy turned it off, the engine whimpering to a stop.

This madcap journey was done. I could come get the car in a day or two, but for now there was nothing else to do.

I walked home and went back to bed and slept the hardest I ever have. And this time, when I woke up later, I didn’t go to the window and check for my car.

---

According to the National Insurance Crime Bureau, the Honda Accord was stolen close to 60,000 times in 2012. 

"Year after year, the Honda Accord continues to be a top seller at car dealerships throughout the United States for a variety of reasons, including their reliability," said Patrick Clancy, the vice president of law enforcement for LoJack Corporation, in this story. "That means year after year there are more Accords on the road, getting into car accidents or needing parts for repair."

I don’t know how many of those Accords that were stolen eventually found their way back to their owner. I don’t know if I’m the only person ever to steal back their Accord; I’m sure I’m not, but it’s nice to think I’m the lone automotive cowboy who performed a stunning act of righteousness.

I managed to keep that car for at least two more years before returning back to my family in South Carolina. In the end, my parents helped me get a new ignition in the car and return it to form. When I moved near New York, it no longer became necessary to have a car all that much, and I said goodbye once and for all. I believe after years and years, my family donated it to a charity or sold it off for parts, but I’m not entirely sure.

But that car was a trooper and the two of us bonded in a way I never have with a piece of machinery. I’ll think of it forever and ever. I never found out who stole it, of course, but I guess I should thank them now because I get to tell this tale.

Thanks folks.

Godspeed 1994 Gold Honda Accord, wherever you are. I hope you are resting easy. Thanks for the memories.

[chara-killer-bear]

All

1. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU HELD HANDS WITH?

Last person I held hands with is my fam Marco because he was leading me outta ROP after catching me at a bad time lmao

2. ARE YOU OUTGOING OR SHY?

Can I say both? o;v;o

3. WHO ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING?

@static–things ewe

4. ARE YOU EASY TO GET ALONG WITH?

I’m not sure tbh– 

5. IF YOU WERE DRUNK WOULD THE PERSON YOU LIKE TAKE CARE OF YOU?

Hopefully if they don’t get drunk themselves–

6. WHAT KIND OF PEOPLE ARE YOU ATTRACTED TO?

Let’s see-

- at least sweet and honest 

- always there for me no matter what

- ultimate memes

7. DO YOU THINK YOU’LL BE IN A RELATIONSHIP TWO MONTHS FROM NOW?

@static–things ewe

8. WHO FROM THE OPPOSITE GENDER IS ON YOUR MIND?

Either Marco or Blake

9. DOES TALKING ABOUT SEX MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE?

Well no shit 

10. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU HAD A DEEP CONVERSATION WITH?

@static–things tbh

11. WHAT DOES THE MOST RECENT TEXT THAT YOU SENT SAY?

r ip my soul “don’t you mean your selfie”

12. WHAT ARE YOUR 5 FAVORITE SONGS RIGHT NOW?

- Jenny by Studio Killers

- Can’t Sleep Love by Pentatonix

- Pretend by Bad Suns

- Rather Be by Clean Bandit

- Never Gonna Give You Up by Rick Astley

13. DO YOU LIKE IT WHEN PEOPLE PLAY WITH YOUR HAIR?

Nothing really ‘cause I don’t really play with my hair that much :”)

14. DO YOU BELIEVE IN LUCK AND MIRACLES?

If I’m lucky enough to meet the bae, then ye I do believe in luck and miracles~

15. WHAT GOOD THING HAPPENED THIS SUMMER?

- August 1, 2016

- Joined a whole bunch of AUs

- So many memes going on and roasting bigoted ass 

16. WOULD YOU KISS THE LAST PERSON YOU KISSED AGAIN?

I would likely stab their sucker before they even lay a hand on me. 

17. DO YOU THINK THERE IS LIFE ON OTHER PLANETS?

It’s possible- I mean, there’s so many unknown plants out there in the galaxy and we just haven’t discovered them or they haven’t discovered us–

18. DO YOU STILL TALK TO YOUR FIRST CRUSH?

Let’s see- my first crush was a guy named Aaron, and hell no. 

19. DO YOU LIKE BUBBLE BATHS?

It’s sad I never had one before :”)

20. DO YOU LIKE YOUR NEIGHBORS?

Let’s see- 

1st neighbor- Grandma (meh)

2nd neighbor- Vy, the girl who goes to the same high school as me (meh)

3rd neighbor- Loudy af Latinos and had the police on their butts twice or thrice (nah)

4th neighbor- Basically Vy’s uncle I assume (nah, considering they keep blocking the driveway way too many times)

5th neighbor- Another Latino family that I haven’t quite known yet (They chill, plus their parrot and their dog is cute)

6th neighbor- Latina woman (I honestly feel sad for her, considering she’s schizophrenic, her college counselor is an ass, her boyfriend steals money from her, and her mom is a rude lady. She honestly doesn’t deserve all that, and despite all her troubles, she’s a really sweet lady.)

7th neighbor- Bella and her family (I hate them and especially Bella. Honestly, Bella used to be kind, like she let me pet her dog before when me and my mom first moved in. But now I don’t see her dog anymore, and Bella acted like I never even existed. Like there was that one time at night where Bella was talking to my mom about wigs and it was around 10-12 at night, plus I was holding all the groceries, so it should be a dead ass clue that I looked like shit, right? WELP, Bella never even batted an eye at me, when I waved hi she didn’t even acknowledge my existence, and basically kept talking to my mom for at least 1-2 straight hours before my mom actually opened the door to our apartment so I can drop down the fucking groceries–) 

21. WHAT ARE YOU BAD HABITS?

Welp-

- Procrastination

- Sleeping

- Anxiety

The OT3 PSA

22. WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO TRAVEL?

Texas so I can see the bae

Or probs New York because honestly there’s so many places that look especially wonderful to look at~

23. DO YOU HAVE TRUST ISSUES?

Sometimes but not all the time- usually it’s started anxiety: it either starts from-

- someone breaks my trust > anxiety > trust issues

- someone says something > starts to question myself or others > anxiety > trust issues

24. FAVORITE PART OF YOUR DAILY ROUTINE?

Talking to the bae~

25. WHAT PART OF YOUR BODY ARE YOU MOST UNCOMFORTABLE WITH?

Uncomfortable with? I mean, I guess I could say my arms or my face–

26. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU WAKE UP?

Talk to the bae, stalk Tumblr, and go on from there :”)

27. DO YOU WISH YOUR SKIN WAS LIGHTER OR DARKER?

Lighter

28. WHO ARE YOU MOST COMFORTABLE AROUND?

@static–things​ @aph-slovakia​ 

other than that, mostly my IRL friends such as Marco, Blake, Glend, etc. 

29. HAVE ANY OF YOUR EX’S TOLD YOU THEY REGRET BREAKING UP?

Well there’s always ex from hell, considering he stalked me a good amount of time after we broke up and kinda is atm

30. DO YOU EVER WANT TO GET MARRIED?

Maybe

31. IS YOUR HAIR LONG ENOUGH FOR A PONY TAIL?

Yeeeeee–

I mean, it’s up to my posterior–

32. WHICH CELEBRITIES WOULD YOU HAVE A THREESOME WITH?

First off, ew 

Second off, no

33. SPELL YOUR NAME WITH YOUR CHIN.

sally jasn cvhhhhhhhhhhhesd

34. DO YOU PLAY SPORTS? WHAT SPORTS?

No sports here :”)

35. WOULD YOU RATHER LIVE WITHOUT TV OR MUSIC?

Without TV– it’s not like I watched TV in the first place anyway :”)

36. HAVE YOU EVER LIKED SOMEONE AND NEVER TOLD THEM?

Meh- what of it?

It is what it is and I’m content with who I’m with now~

37. WHAT DO YOU SAY DURING AWKWARD SILENCES?

I s2g there was this awkward silence in a group and I whispered “wait so everyone is thinking of the same plan- we gonna do the murder?” and then the group blew up :”)

38. DESCRIBE YOUR DREAM GIRL/GUY?

@static–things​

39. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE STORES TO SHOP IN?

Starbucks or Target– 

40. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO AFTER HIGH SCHOOL?

Visit the bae~

41. DO YOU BELIEVE EVERYONE DESERVES A SECOND CHANCE?

I mean, ye

I can’t waste a chance that they changed, and if they didn’t, I can always stab them in the ass

42. IF YOUR BEING EXTREMELY QUIET WHAT DOES IT MEAN?

Either depression, crying, sleepy, hiding from someone, lost in deep thought, etc. 

43. DO YOU SMILE AT STRANGERS?

Sometimes– Like if they look like they’re in a good mood and are friendly enough to wave at me, I just give ‘em a friendly nod and even a smile back–

44. TRIP TO OUTER SPACE OR BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN?

O U T E R S P A C E LET’S GO 

45. WHAT MAKES YOU GET OUT OF BED IN THE MORNING?

Either my mom yelling at me to do something and rarely my own will either because I feel really hungry, feel disgusting and want to wash my face repeatedly, or roam around the apartment and enjoy the silence. 

46. WHAT ARE YOU PARANOID ABOUT?

Honestly many things but one of the most notorious ones would be people hating me, fucking up, etc. 

47. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN HIGH?

Nah–

48. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN DRUNK?

Nah–

49. HAVE YOU DONE ANYTHING RECENTLY THAT YOU HOPE NOBODY FINDS OUT ABOUT?

Maybe

50. WHAT WAS THE COLOUR OF THE LAST HOODIE YOU WORE?

Blue~

51. EVER WISHED YOU WERE SOMEONE ELSE?

Honestly one of my top scenarios, but hella scary, so it’s a maybe–

52. ONE THING YOU WISH YOU COULD CHANGE ABOUT YOURSELF?

- procrastinating

53. FAVOURITE MAKEUP BRAND?

There’s no specific brand I have in mind tbh– Like ye, I use lipstick every now and then, but I don’t really pay much attention to the brand, practically speaking I rarely use makeup in the first place–

54. FAVOURITE STORE?

I would say Target or Starbucks

55. FAVOURITE BLOG?

@static–things​

56. FAVOURITE COLOUR?

Redish-pink or a really dark shade of blue~

57. FAVOURITE FOOD? 

SPAM MASUBI, DUMPLINGS, PIZZA, CANDIED SWEET POTATOES, PALABOK

58. LAST THING YOU ATE?

Pizza :”)

59. FIRST THING YOU ATE THIS MORNING?

Crispy Noodles- the one they sell at Panda Express as a snack

60. EVER WON A COMPETITION? FOR WHAT?

There was like this hula-hoop competition we had a lot in 3rd grade where the one who hula-hoops the last out of everyone wins and gets candy and usually it was my friends who would always win; however in the very last hula-hoop competition I was the last one standing and I honestly still feel that victory every time I think of that memory–

61. BEEN SUSPENDED/EXPELLED? FOR WHAT?

… h eh- I mean, ye, I did, but p sure you know the story–

62. BEEN ARRESTED? FOR WHAT?

Technically not arrested, more like caught and got scot-free

63. EVER BEEN IN LOVE? 

@static–things​

64. TELL US THE STORY OF YOUR FIRST KISS?

…ew

65. ARE YOU HUNGRY RIGHT NOW?

Not really, considering I’m barely finishing breakfast :”)

66. DO YOU LIKE YOUR TUMBLR FRIENDS MORE THAN YOUR REAL FRIENDS?

Meh– so so–

Tbh most of my Tumblr friends I either get in an argument with or they leave me behind, and I only have a good few of them who still talks to me to this day.

However, my IRL friends I can see and hear whenever I go to school, and I can go do after school adventures with them, but it invites drama, and once you go into drama you really can’t escape it because you have to face them- IRL. 

So in other words, it’s a so-so situation–

67. FACEBOOK OR TWITTER?

Facebook.

68. TWITTER OR TUMBLR?

Tumblr. 

69. ARE YOU WATCHING TV RIGHT NOW?

Nah–

70. NAMES OF YOUR BESTFRIENDS? 

- Jessica

- Blake

- Emely

- @static--things

71. CRAVING SOMETHING? WHAT?

Craving sleep most of the time and maybe even bae cuddles but sh

72. WHAT COLOUR ARE YOUR TOWELS?

At the moment, purple–

72. HOW MANY PILLOWS DO YOU SLEEP WITH?

0. 1 at most–

73. DO YOU SLEEP WITH STUFFED ANIMALS?

Sometimes :”)

74. HOW MANY STUFFED ANIMALS DO YOU THINK YOU HAVE?

More than 10 that’s for sure :”)

75. FAVOURITE ANIMAL?

Penguin or a Panda :”)

76. WHAT COLOUR IS YOUR UNDERWEAR?

wtf

77. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA?

Vanilla~

78. FAVOURITE ICE CREAM FLAVOUR?

VANILLA

79. WHAT COLOUR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?

Black

80. WHAT COLOUR PANTS?

Black

81. FAVOURITE TV SHOW?

One of my alltime favorites would be Whose Line Is It Anyway

82. FAVOURITE MOVIE?

Coraline

83. MEAN GIRLS OR MEAN GIRLS 2?

Mean Girls–

84. MEAN GIRLS OR 21 JUMP STREET?

I would say Mean Girls for now, considering I haven’t watched 21 Jump Street before :”)

85. FAVOURITE CHARACTER FROM MEAN GIRLS?

I don’t know– I guess the main protagonist..?

86. FAVOURITE CHARACTER FROM FINDING NEMO?

DORY

87. FIRST PERSON YOU TALKED TO TODAY?

@static–things​

88. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO TODAY?

@static–things​ :”)

89. NAME A PERSON YOU HATE?

Jonah, Steven, etc. 

90. NAME A PERSON YOU LOVE?

Luther~

91. IS THERE ANYONE YOU WANT TO PUNCH IN THE FACE RIGHT NOW?

Well other than Jonah, I would love to punch someone in the ballsack, but can’t

92. IN A FIGHT WITH SOMEONE?

Technically, considering it’s a kinda a game of cat and mouse but much more dangerous, but there’s no way the cat can catch the mouse so it okey

93. HOW MANY SWEATPANTS DO YOU HAVE?

None

94. HOW MANY SWEATERS/HOODIES DO YOU HAVE?

A LOT

95. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?

Last movie I watched would probs be There Will Be Blood

96. FAVOURITE ACTRESS?

I don’t really have one :”)

97. FAVOURITE ACTOR?

Don’t have one either :”)

98. DO YOU TAN A LOT?

Nah, although I tan easily–

99. HAVE ANY PETS?

My cat named Peter + goldfish

100. HOW ARE YOU FEELING?

Happy but a tinge of depression slipping here and there, but still otherwise fine uvu

101. DO YOU TYPE FAST?

Let’s see- 

Just retook the Typing Test and I got 72.9 WPM

102. DO YOU REGRET ANYTHING FROM YOUR PAST?

A lot of things really–

103. CAN YOU SPELL WELL?

Welcome to the Penumbra, my dear Traveler. We hope you enjoy your stay. 

104. DO YOU MISS ANYONE FROM YOUR PAST?

A few particular individuals, one of them I know for sure I’ll never hear from them again. I just hope the rest are doing fine like I am.

105. EVER BEEN TO A BONFIRE PARTY?

Nope :”)

106. EVER BROKEN SOMEONE’S HEART?

I’m not entirely sure–

107. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON A HORSE?

Boy I wish I had :”)

108. WHAT SHOULD YOU BE DOING?

Doing homework and working on this art project but procrastination is kicking me so go me :”)

109. IS SOMETHING IRRITATING YOU RIGHT NOW?

A bunch of things a particular person said to me during a call but it’s slowly fading away– 

110. HAVE YOU EVER LIKED SOMEONE SO MUCH IT HURT?

Nah– Well kinda– But it was a few months ago and shibam the problem cleared anyway–

111. DO YOU HAVE TRUST ISSUES?

Not at the moment–

112. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU CRIED IN FRONT OF?

Well, excluding over the internet, I would say Marco–

But if not, then it would be Luther

113. WHAT WAS YOUR CHILDHOOD NICKNAME?

Sophie–

114. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN OUT OF YOUR PROVINCE/STATE?

Only for a week-

It was a history field trip we had in 8th grade where we got to travel all the way across the country to where New York, Virginia, Pennsylvania, and other states were at and it was amazing~

115. DO YOU PLAY THE WII?

Nope :”)

I don’t even have a game console :”)

116. ARE YOU LISTENING TO MUSIC RIGHT NOW?

Ye–

117. DO YOU LIKE CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP?

H ELL YE S

118. DO YOU LIKE CHINESE FOOD?

Not particularly, but I would say orange chicken is delicious~

119. FAVOURITE BOOK?

I would still say either One Hundred Years of Solitude or The Adventures of Edward Tulane

120. ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK?

Nah

121. ARE YOU MEAN?

Maybe, I’m not sure myself– It depends on what others think of me–

122. IS CHEATING EVER OKAY?

No. It’s heart-breaking- 

123. CAN YOU KEEP WHITE SHOES CLEAN?

Nah– Not like I always want it to be clean in the first place–

124. DO YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT?

Maybe and maybe not

125. DO YOU BELIEVE IN TRUE LOVE?

Probs not anymore

126. ARE YOU CURRENTLY BORED?

Nah–

127. WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY?

The bae and being with them

Joining AUs, spreading my ideas, eating sweet things, being with friends, etc. 

128. WOULD YOU CHANGE YOUR NAME?

Ye– I’d probs change it to Sally or Ally, maybe even Shawn if I felt like it

129. WHAT YOUR ZODIAC SIGN?

Aquarius~

130. DO YOU LIKE SUBWAY?

Can’t say for sure, since I probs never rode a subway before :”)

131. YOUR BESTFRIEND OF THE OPPOSITE SEX LIKES YOU, WHAT DO YOU DO?

Bleh- 

I mean, if I just heard that from just a rumor, then I’d let them be

However if they told me in person, then I’d probs just let them down easily and then hope for the best they don’t become a stalker but continue as if everything’s normal

132. WHO’S THE LAST PERSON YOU HAD A DEEP CONVERSATION WITH?

I s2g I think some of these are repeat questions-

@static–things

133. FAVOURITE LYRICS RIGHT NOW?

From the song I’m listening to now-

“I’m never going down, I’m never giving up,

I’m never gonna leave, so put your hands up

If you like me, then say you like me”

134. CAN YOU COUNT TO ONE MILLION?

I can try– I’d probably get side-tracked–

135. DUMBEST LIE YOU EVER TOLD?

“o ye I’m at my grandma’s”

136. DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR DOORS OPEN OR CLOSED?

Almost every time open–

I feel like I can’t breathe or it’s too stuffy or I find it creepy whenever the door is closed

I mean, on some occasions such as wanting privacy and such the like, I don’t mind having the door closed-

But most of the time I prefer the door open

137. HOW TALL ARE YOU?

Sadly 4′9″ to 4′11″ :”)

138. CURLY OR STRAIGHT HAIR?

Curly hair seems pretty~

139. BRUNETTE OR BLONDE?

Both?

140. SUMMER OR WINTER?

BOTH

141. NIGHT OR DAY?

Night~

142. FAVOURITE MONTH?

Either January or July

143. ARE YOU A VEGETARIAN?

Technically nah- since I eat chicken a lot :”)

144. DARK, MILK OR WHITE CHOCOLATE?

White chocolate~

145. TEA OR COFFEE?

Tea!

146. WAS TODAY A GOOD DAY?

Today’s a lovely day~

147. MARS OR SNICKERS?

Snickers– I never quite tasted a Mars bar before–

148. WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE QUOTE?

“I reject your reality and replace it with my own.”

149. DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS?

Ye–

150. GET THE CLOSEST BOOK NEXT TO YOU, OPEN IT TO PAGE 42, WHAT’S THE FIRST LINE ON THAT PAGE?

“That was no good.”

PLEASE ASK ME THESE

(VIA ALUNIT)

DO IT!!!

(VIA MADDISONKENNEDY)

PLEASE

(VIA TAYBCATO)

[northpolenotes]

HUGE Mistakes I Made My First Year Blogging

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Are you feeling frustrated, tired, confused with tech overwhelm, and getting absolutely nowhere? I’ve been exactly where you are right now. That is how I spent my first year of blogging. Yelling at the computer, googling problems that no one else seemed to be experiencing, and feeling completely lost.

Are you struggling to come up with content? Or do you find yourself creating great pieces of content that you KNOW someone would benefit from, but your words are falling on deaf ears? Been there too.

Blogging is simple, yet complicated. You hear about all these people who are making thousands of dollars per month blogging and getting millions subscribers, yet no one seems to want to share HOW they’ve made their success.

That’s what I thought too until I found Create and Go with Alex Nerney and Lauren McManus.

After completing their course, relaunching my blog, and finally getting traffic on Pinterest, I found out EXACTLY what I was doing wrong on The Enchanted Aunt.

To prevent you from making the same mistakes that I did my first year blogging, I thought it would be helpful to share with you exactly what I did wrong. Stop what you’re doing now and read through this massive list of mistakes. Create a successful blog and build something from nothing by learning what NOT to do.

Here are the HUGE mistakes I made my first year blogging.

1.) I went with a free theme

Everyone wants something for nothing right? I did too. I wasn’t ready to take blogging seriously at first. Actually, I wanted to take it seriously but at the lowest possible cost. 

What cost does that sound like? FREE!

What was the outcome? Frustration!

Here’s the thing about free themes. They’re great if you want to blog for as a hobby, but they’re not a good idea if you want to create a blog that’s fully customizable and that operates with the greatest amount of ease.

Say I just gave you a house, no holds barred. This is your house to raise your family in, rest your head at night, and to do with it as you please. Sounds great, right? A house for free?

What’s the catch? It was built 80 years ago, the appliances aren’t up to code and could catch fire at any time, and the taxes haven’t be paid on it in the last 10 years.

That’s an extreme example of what it’s like to operate your blog with a free theme. Unless you know how to code and fix problems to get things up to speed with current technology, free isn’t always the way to go. Rather than solving your problem, it leads to more headaches.

You won’t find much support on how to customize them because no one wants to work for free. Trust me, I looked.

The solution?

I ditched my free theme. After reading about different themes and asking other bloggers, I decided to go with Divi from Elegant Themes. It was the one that was the most popular because of how easy it was to use. I was told it’s very customizable and that you don’t need to know coding. They weren’t wrong. That’s exactly what it is.

Not only is it extremely easy to use, but it also comes with a lot of support from it’s developers. Support is exactly what I needed in the beginning.

2.) I tried learning how to blog from Google

Google is great for getting answers to very specific questions. However, what I wanted was broader. Asking google how to start a blog gave me the very basics on how to blog like creating a domain, setting up hosting, and picking a platform to create the blog on. That’s not what I needed because I already had all of that. What I needed was a teacher to show me how to create a decent looking blog and get people to read it.

There’s a lot that goes into building a blog and so Google wasn’t giving me what I needed this time. I’d find one helpful article which then led me to google other things and so on and so on. Around and around I went looking for answers. It wasn’t the best approach.

3.) I turned to Udemy for mentors

Since Google wasn’t cutting it, I took another cheap approach by buying a $30 course on Udemy for how to start a blog.

It sounded great since they were offering the course at such a low discount, but the results didn’t yield the same effect. I will say that I did learn from the instructor on the basics of the backend of blogging. However, a lot of his information was outdated.

The trouble with buying deeply discounted courses and turning to YouTube and Google is that the information isn’t necessarily up to date. Also, though I had an instructor walking me through the steps, there wasn’t a place where I could raise my hand and ask a question about something that he just went over.

Dare I say I got what I paid for?

4.) I used Facebook for traffic

This is where everyone gets all of their information from nowadays right? So since I got just enough information from Google and Udemy that I could start blogging, I did just that.

I’d write a post, post it on Facebook, and it would be seen by maybe 4 people. If I didn’t post it at a time when people were most active, it wouldn’t show up in anyone’s feed. Also, it’s a one and done situation. Since Facebook isn’t a search engine, people weren’t looking for the content I was creating.

The other option was to take out ads. However, there’s a lot that goes into that and I knew I’d be wasting my money if I just set a budget and entered my credit card number. So that option was off the table too.

Facebook is not the best place to share content because of how the algorithm is set up. Sure, it’s a good idea to share your content with friends and family. Don’t stop doing that! However, even today, of the 2,000+ (and growing) visitors I get each month, 44 were sent there because of Facebook.

The Solution?

Where do I get nearly all of my traffic from? Pinterest. I used the system laid out in the Pinterest Traffic Avalanche course from Create and Go. They taught me the basics of Pinterest SEO, and I applied their methods to my blog and got results! The BEST thing about their course is it’s UPDATED constantly to reflect the new changes in the algorithms.

5.) I was soooo slow

There was very little content on my blog during the first year. I struggled to find the time to sit down and write. On top of that, once I did create a schedule for myself, I’d overthink everything and got nowhere. I was averaging one post per month. It was taking me that long just to think of, create, and edit content.

Don’t be me. If you want to get results, throw perfection out the window and just start writing. The only way you’re going to find your voice is if you start using it.

There are plenty of free tools like Grammarly or Yoast that’ll help you with spotting typos and offering insight into the readability ease. It’s possible to make mistakes even with these tools, but that’s okay. If can always go back and correct your errors. You’re human. It happens.

6.) I had 0 confidence in myself

Since I had been blogging for a few months and wasn’t seeing results, I was deflated. I didn’t think that anyone cared about what I had to say.

Also, I was embarrassed by the look of my blog. Do you want people to come to your house when it looks like you haven’t lifted a finger to maintain it? That’s how I felt about my blog. My free theme was preventing me from having a clean layout. It was scattered and ugly.

7.) I made it about ME instead of about my audience

I honestly didn’t know why people blogged in the first place. My original thoughts were that it was an online journal for people to cry into. I was wrong.

Tons of people told me to start blogging because I wanted to launch an online product. So I started out by just telling stories about my life as an Aunt because that was my only expertise. However, no one cared about my stories. Like most people, they wanted to know HOW to do something. They wanted to know how to achieve the same results. I was missing my mark.

People read blogs because they’re looking for help. They want to learn from others that are in the same spot as them. If you know a lot about a topic, you could become an expert in that field just from your blog.

8.) I didn’t invest in a course

I did buy the $30 Udemy course, but I don’t think it really counts. I’m not saying that because of the price. However, I am saying it because of how thin the material in it was. It was the bare bones of what you needed to know about blogging. I had something, but I didn’t know how to use it.

I also relied a lot on YouTube, which I love but it was the Swiss cheese of blogging tips. There’s a lot of hole in the content out there.

9.) I didn’t trust anyone’s advice

I kept trying new things that I was hearing from other people on YouTube and from reading other people’s blogs on blogging, but it was a lot of fluff. No one was being flat out honest about results. No one took screenshots of their success. There were just too many scam artists out there to really trust anything. It led me not to trust.

However, I found Alex and Lauren’s YouTube Channel about a year into blogging and that’s when I started making real changes. They earned my trust through their transparency. The information that they put out there spoke to me. I found that I could learn from the people that were actually in my spot at one point. That’s why I ultimately invested in their Six figure blogging course.

10.) I didn’t use Pinterest the way it’s intended.

After I had watched a few of Alex’s YouTube videos on Pinterset I thought that I knew all there was to know about Pinterest. Boy, was I wrong.

I didn’t know about the importance of SEO on Pinterest, what group boards were, or why it was so important to continually create and share other people’s content.

I was getting some readers from Pinterest. In fact, nearly all of them came from there, but it was only 1-10 per day. There’s a lot that goes into building a following. You can read my view of Pinterest Traffic Avalanche to learn more.

11.) I compared myself to EVERYONE

Since I was learning from others, I was comparing myself to others. Don’t do that.

It’s important to remember that everyone starts at the bottom and knows nothing, but eventually you find your way. Comparing your results to a veteran blogger won’t lead to success. You’ll start to get frustrated that you’re not already where they are 1 week into blogging.

12. I didn’t treat it like a business

A business needs to be tended to. It needs to be worked out continuously in order to get ahead. Success doesn’t happen overnight. And if it does, it’s because hard work was put into which lead to that turning point. You can’t publish one post, insert one affiliate link, and think you’ll see any results.

You have to shift your mindset and treat your blog like it’s a living thing in order for it to grow and prosper. You have experiment with different content, wait for results, analyze your efforts, and make adjustments accordingly. Hardly anyone gets it right the first time.

Even though I know now that the choices that I was making were mistakes, I still learned a lot in the process. Yes, I could have saved myself a lot of time and energy if I had just invested in a course earlier, but I realize that the knowledge that I acquired from my mistakes will help someone else.

If you fall into any of the following categories:

Want to start a blog but don’t know what to blog about

Want to start a blog but don’t have any technical experience

Have already started blogging, but are struggling with traffic

Have traffic, but are looking to build a greater audience

Have a great blog, good traffic, but aren’t sure how to monetize

Have a successful blog, but don’t know how to create and sell your own products

You should invest in one of the many courses from Create and Go.

With the help of Lauren and Alex, I have successfully rebuilt and relaunched my blog, started gaining significant traffic, viewership and subscribers, made affiliate sales, and now I’m onto relaunching my own product with them.

I realize that I could have gotten to where I am now faster had I invested in the beginning, but hopefully, my mistakes will help you build, launch, and monetize your blog faster and with greater ease.

I am now an affiliate for them not because I earn a small commission (at NO extra cost to you), but because they have truly helped me. Much like you, I was struggling to move forward and spread my messages, but after completing their courses, I have grown tremendously in a very short period of time.

Please feel free to reach out to me if there are any additional questions. about my experience with Create and Go.

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[ciathyzareposts]

Rex Nebular – Final Rating

Written by TBD

It seems weird to make a big deal about your manual being written by an award winning game designer when he had nothing to do with the game itself.

So let’s get to rating Rex Nebular and the Cosmic Gender Bender. I’ll start with some general thoughts. I was really surprised (and rather pleased) that the game didn’t contain a whole heap of sex-based jokes. That type of humour can very quickly become repetitive and boring so well done.

Having said that, I enjoyed the game a lot more at the beginning. I was wondering if it was just that the humour got stale after a while, but I really think it’s more because much more effort was put into the beginning of the game than the late game. More items seem to have unique and detailed descriptions earlier whereas later in the game there are a lot more generic or shorter responses.

Puzzles and Solvability

The puzzles in this game are fine. They’re mostly inventory based.

The most memorable puzzles in this game were puzzles that didn’t happen. What I mean by that, was that I spent much of the game pondering the use of things that ended up having no use at all.

There is one area on the surface that I can’t get through because I’m a man. One of the first things I did after changing my gender was to go past that area, wondering what excitement I’d find beyond.

Well, I found some more huts just like the one on the screen before, a chicken roasting over a fire, and a stream that I can’t cross because of the piranhas. I spent much of the rest of the game wondering how I would get past the piranhas and what I’d find beyond it. Then the game ended. The only reason to go to the surface as a woman was to get a roast chicken that wasn’t useful until the very last section of the game. Thinking about it now it’s rather baffling. The piranha stream wasn’t the only red herring in the game. There are a lot of items that serve no purpose whatsoever, and don’t even have interesting comments when interacted with (but I’ll get to that later)

I feel that they had planned a much larger game but ran out of time or money. Some of the things that make me think so are the above section, and also the software store that is only useful for getting penlight batteries but contains a security system and various types of software. I felt sure I’d have to either get an item through the security system of the software store or take parts of the security system to trick someone else at some point. More puzzling possibilities that are strangely not there.

Seriously. With the security stands at the front, and the software on the special stand in the middle, how can the small penlight on the shelf be the ONLY interactive element in the entire store.

Adding to my bafflement of non-puzzles was the entire gender changing thing? It’s a massive missed opportunity. It’s used twice. Once to get to the southern section of the female base (and the go back to the surface for a chicken – can’t forget that one) and once to be able to activate the car in Machopolis. Despite finding a teleporter in the southern section of the female base, I die when I tried to get through as a man so I don’t even have the chance to enter the women’s section as a man for comedy value.

The one positive in the puzzles and solvability section is the lack of negatives. Mazes, bad mini-games, and timed sequences don’t exist. The manual hinted that hard mode could have dead-ends, but I didn’t find any, and wouldn’t blame a game for including them if they also included difficulty levels that don’t have any dead-ends, so another good here.

The difficulty levels are quite a positive, or at least could have been. Difficulty levels can really help a game by making it easier or harder depending on each player’s wishes. I did solve one puzzle by spoiling myself in easy mode, but when I redid the first half of the game in medium difficulty I was surprised at the limited amount of times it was used. Using it for more than a handful of puzzles is something else I felt was a good idea but largely ignored in development.

Overall, I wasn’t terribly impressed with the puzzles in general in this game. So a slightly below par 4 seems appropriate.

Final score: 4

Interface and Inventory The interface has some nice ease-of-use features. Holding down the mouse button acts as a “What is” or tooltip option so you don’t get stuck pixel hunting. I appreciated that.

I was annoyed that the game never made it clear that the explosives couldn’t be used without a detonator. I wasted a lot of time attempting to blow things up – the game even made of point of me having to be careful with it, reminding me about Professor Pyro blowing herself up whenever I looked at them. Come on game, if the cases won’t blow up without detonators, you could have told me that every time I try to throw them or put them on something.

Each inventory item had a funny (potentially) description, and at least one special action. Some of the actions are obvious, like ‘read’ for the repair list and most were there for a single joke, like ‘fondle’. The spinning inventory, which was so exciting it was touted as a feature in the manual, isn’t terribly exciting but does add some movement to a section of the screen that would otherwise be static, so well done, I guess? The downside is that the section becomes very drab and grey. I assume the spinning meant they couldn’t also do much with colour, because all items are just light shades of grey over a darker grey background.

Grey chicken looks much less appetizing than brown chicken.

So, a thumbs up for the tooltips and the funny descriptions, but otherwise nothing special.

Final score: 5

Story and Setting

The background story of a gender war was interesting, as long as I didn’t think too much about the logistics of it, but of course most comedy game stories fall apart if you try to think about them logically. Machopolis was by far the most fleshed out setting in the game.

In fact, the post-apocalyptic style setting of Machopolis is a weird contrast to the attempted tone of the game as a whole. The game descriptions are full of jokes and it’s clear the game doesn’t want me to take it seriously, but the empty husk of a city that was Machopolis on its own is rarely funny at all. I’m not sure I’d call it bad but… it’s just very strange, and didn’t click with me.

I’m a fan of the Fallout series and that’s something that has a largely serious post-apocalyptic setting that also manages to do plenty of silly comedy and have the two mesh very well. So it can be done, but this game just didn’t succeed as well.

The fact that the MacGuffin of the game, the vase, was something I kept forgetting about shows the game gave me no reason to care. It never told me why the vase was important – did it have power or was its rarity and value its only use (I strongly suspected the second)? Again, in a comedy game the MacGuffin is often secondary and unimportant but even in a good comedy story it should at least play some role in my motivation to solve the puzzles. The vase is mentioned in the Audio Log booklet that came with the game documentation as something Rex’s rich employer had fond memories playing with as a kid (A reference to a rather popular old movie, most likely)

Rex himself isn’t terribly well characterised either – 

Is he clumsy? Well yes, but I only found that out in the ending cutscene, when he knocks over the vase. 

Is he unlucky in love? It seems so, due largely to his stereotypical single-bachelor style living conditions, but it’s not something that defines him like Larry Laffer. 

Is he competent? I’m really not sure – I suppose so but how much of that was just me successfully solving puzzles rather than part of his personality?

I actually don’t know much about Rex at all. It’s possible I missed or forgot a lot, but the lack of characters for Rex to have conversations with limit the amount I learn about him, which makes me less interested in his success or otherwise in this story. He does say a lot more in the Audio Log and has more of a personality there but none of that personality seemed to make it into the game itself.

Perhaps Rex’s personality would have made more of an impact on me if he was the one narrating rather than a separate narrator

Another slightly below par score here. A somewhat interesting back-story and a third of the game taking place in an interesting but tonally odd setting are countered by the unimpressive characterization and lackluster story as a whole.

Final score: 4

Sound and Graphics

The game surprised me by only having talking during the opening cutscene. Even the end cutscene, with Rex and Stone, where Rex knocks over the vase after they have a two-line conversation doesn’t have speech – strange choice.

Anyway, the sound in this game was… not good. Gee, in coming up with these ratings I’ve been a lot harsher than I expected. And listening to some of the sounds again, it’s really years behind the times.The dog sounds nothing like a dog. Even the gender bender machine itself sounds like it could be made with PC Speaker in the 80s. (I’m possibly slightly exaggerating the quality of 1980s PC Speaker sounds, but it’s certainly not actually good.)

Well, at least we know who to blame for the dog sounding so bad.

The music was (and I say this a lot in my final ratings) not very memorable. The music is all very background and not at all interesting or emotion-inducing. I’ve been playing a Youtube longplay in the background while writing this and none of the music is reminding me of the game or evoking emotions in me. Perhaps this is the most forgettable game soundtrack of all time!

As for the graphics, they’re acceptable and things look like what they are supposed to look like. The animation I spoke so well of in the introduction post was indeed only an indication of the opening cutscene quality.

I’m once again going for a 4 in this section. It’s not quite okay.

Final score: 4

Environment and Atmosphere

This is always a hard one to rate. I suppose it can be defined as the feel of the game. How do all the facets of the game combine to make a cohesive and fun experience.

Well, the opening of the game gave me a very good impression. The verbose funny responses amused me. The animations impressed me and the dialogue was written and acted well.

Ah, the times when I had a much higher impression of the game.

The game tries to do the funny sci-fi humour thing and succeeds sometimes. It’s not bad, but oh, let’s just get to the crux of it – the whole game is mediocre.

A medicre game deserves a mediocre score. I’ll go with a 5 here.

Final score: 5

Dialogue and Acting

After the first section I played, I was impressed with the writing, and the acting of the opening cutscene.

But the more I played the less impressed I became. The verbose funny responses to things are largely the same. Trying to look at something the first time gives me a funny response. Looking at the eleventh item on a screen that gives the same funny response as the previous ten quickly makes the response lose its humour.

This is one of 11 items on this screen alone that has the exact same description when looked at.

There’s very little actual dialogue in the game as Rex rarely interacts with other people. Most of this category is referring to the narrator’s lines when trying to interact with items.

There were, if they can be called that, a few dialogue puzzles – two if my memory’s correct; We had to answer the doctor’s questions without being a smartarse or die, and we had to convince the surface woman that we were a real man by giving her the cliché man responses. Neither of those were too taxing on the brain but some of the responses were worth the comedy value.

Possibly the best writing was actually in the confusingly named Audio Log that came with the game documentation and was written by Steve Meretzky. The Audio Log is a 23 page booklet and contained a rather funny text version of an audio-captured Captain’s Log.

The Audio Log ends in the middle of the opening cutscene!

The writing and dialogue as a whole was okay, and it had enough funny dialogue that it kept me amused for a decent portion of the game. I’m sitting on a completely average 5 again here.

Final Rating: 5

Final Rating

This gives us a Final rating of… 4+5+4+4+5+5*10/6, which equals…

It’s fair to say, if I rated this game after my first gameplay post, I would have gone higher for many of the categories and it probably would have hit 50 or so. I’ve heard that first impressions are more important, but in the case of a final rating the first impression barely makes a dent if the game can’t keep up the quality for its entirety. Sorry, Rex Nebular and the Cosmic Gender Bender, but I find you to be a below average game. At first I thought 45 might be a bit low but then I looked at some of our other games and it’s the fourth 45 we’ve given for 1992, and the third 45 in a row! Maybe 1992 is the year of 45!

And to give an indication of my Overall Fun Factor, I found that thinking more on the game for the purpose of rating it actually made me think less of the game. I don’t think that’s happened to me before. There must have been something about the game that kept it interesting enough not to notice its flaws as I played. Having played this game once, I can’t see myself ever wanting to play it again – I enjoyed Space Quest IV and even Leather Goddesses of Phobos 2 more than this game and really can’t see myself playing this game again. Sorry, Rex. I’ll give the game a 4 out of 10 for Overall Fun Factor, which gives a PISSEDOFF rating of… 4+5+4+4+5+5+4+4+4/.9 which equals 43!

CAP Distribution

100 CAPs to TBD

Blogger Award – 100 CAPs – For playing Rex Nebular and the Cosmic Gender Bender for everyone’s enjoyment

31 CAPs to Leo Velles

Bad Motivator Award – 5 CAPs – for letting Charles know that the vase is entirely uninteresting as a motivation

True Companion Award – 20 CAPs – for playing along and sharing thoughts on the game

Assistance Confirmed Award – 6 CAPs – for giving me confirmation that I’d need Charles’ help, and some extra help that I didn’t end up needing

21 CAPs to Charles

Underused Award – 5 CAPs – for noticing and lamenting the lack of puzzles related to the Gender Bender

Assistance Granted Award – 10 CAPs – for helping when I was stuck for a second time soon after the first

In Conclusion Award – 6 CAPs – for a nice series of random comments on the Won! Post that I must have agreed with, seeing as many of those comments were echoed in this final rating.

15 CAPs to gboukensha

Assistance Dog Award – 10 CAPs – for helping me when I was throwing the bone at the wrong thing

Observation Award – 5 CAPs – for further pointing out that my not noticing the hermit alley just meant I wasn’t paying attention at all.

10 CAPs to Alex Romanov

Psychic Prediction Award – 10 CAPs – for correctly guessing the PISSED Rating Rex Nebular would get.

10 CAPs to Mister Kerr

Pantene Award – 5 CAPs – for Noticing how full-bodied and 80s Rox’s hair is

Underused Award – 5 CAPs – for noticing and lamenting that the Gender Bender appears to be just a keycard

10 CAPs to Joe Pranevich

Patron of the Arts Award – 10 CAPs – for donating to Tony Longworth, a musician who’s done Infocom-inspired music on The Adventure Gamer’s behalf

5 CAPs to Lisa H

Snoo-Snoo Award – 5 Caps – for putting an extremely appropriate Futurama reference in the comments

5 CAPs to Corey Cole

Fine Art Award – 5 CAPs – for telling us a little about the late Kenn Nishiuye, an artist for this game who also worked for Sierra.

5 CAPs to Ziggi

Sorry Award – 5 CAPs – as compensation for having rose tinted memories tarnished by someone judging a 1992 game in 2019. Sorry.

source http://reposts.ciathyza.com/rex-nebular-final-rating/

[noobsurveys]

who was the last person who unexpectedly texted you? driver teacher what was the last thing you carried to your room? water bottle when’s the next time you’ll be drinking? saturday Looking forward to something this weekend? drinking w my buds Has anyone smoked in your car? i cant drive but i’ve been in smoke cars yes

which class are you doing the worst in? chemistry best thing that happened to you this summer? got closer to my friends. kinda overcame alcoholism. do you think if you want a guy’s attention engaging him then ignoring him works? uh nah i think you should actively engage with people ur interested in something you wish your parents would let you do: i can do mostly whatever i want do you like people that remind you of yourself? yeah my best friend is very much alike myself. but i think all kinds of people can be fun. Do you donate anything? no Is there anyone you are holding a grudge against? not that i can think of Is there anyone holding a grudge against you? probably!!

Did you get into and attend your first choice college? probably wont!! When was the first moment you discovered love? guess i discovered familial love pretty early. platonic friendly love a bit late but when i did i fell hard. i dont think i understand romantic love yet, but i’ll get there eventually. How long has it been since you’ve ridden a school bus? couple of months. though around 3 years since i used to ride them regularly. What do you think of frogs? i think they’re pretty neat but i do get a bit frightened when they suddenly appear out of nowhere with their little legs Whats the worst Christmas present you’ve ever gotten? probably uhh socks or nasty candy What would you do if someone told you that you were the most beautiful person in the world and they wanted to wake up to you every morning? i’d be a bit dumbfounded since that’s really unexpected! but happy, sure, thats very sentimental and nice. i’d feel pressured though, i wouldnt want to make a committment just based on someones sudden love (infatuation) confession.

Are you the person to open a box of cereal just to get the toy inside? we never had cereal toys in my country

Do you get scared easy? not really. i can get paranoid and anxious on rare occasions.

What was one of the stupidest things you cried over when you were little? time passing. it still makes me tear up tbh i dont think i’ll ever learn how to deal with how short life is and how people will walk out of your life never to be seen again. past moments will never be experienced again. nothing will be the same, for better or worse.

Have you ever drank milk from the carton? i take a swig every morning

Juice or milk? juice for booze

Do you ever turn off your computer properly? tbh i’ve been slacking on that lol

Do you wish you were a fish? no

Who’s your favorite super hero? not a big superhero person! i guess iron man or spiderman

Who’s your favorite super villian? t h a n o s

Spiderman or X-men? Spiderman

Movie theatre or stay at home movie night? home

Do you have a Blue Ray? no but i think my lil netflix box can play blurays

How about HD television? yes

Do you think HD television is kind of a waste of money? nahh not if you have people over often. kind of a bummer to watch movies on a computer.

Do you get why people get so fricken freaked out during football season? i understand the nationalistic exitement but i dont understand the absolute freakouts some people have over it

Do you ever sneak scraps to the dog even though you’re not suppose to? only when i spill stuff on the floor

Are you reading a book right now? If so what? not a big book person

What was the last book you were required to read for school? hunger by knut hamsun

O donuts or jelly filled? o i guess but donuts are kinda gross

Do you like your icecream in a bowl or cone? bowl

Marshmellows in your hot chocolate or no? no

Do you like cherry coke? No.

Do you really think diet Dr. Pepper is the equivalent of a cupcake? never tasted it, i imagine its gross

Do you snore in your sleep? Drool? Talk? i think i snore a bit, to my great shame. i fucking hate snoring.

Have you ever sleep walked? not that i know of

Are you a morning person? depends on how well rested i am

How do you wake up in the mornings? alarm clock, parents wake me, or by myself (rare)

Do you think guyliner is hot? it can be

Is variety the spice of life? absolutely, but “same old” has a special place in my heart

Do you think strawberry milk is disgusting? yep

Have you ever drank after anyone? sharing drinks? yeah all the time

Have you ever drank after anyone you don’t know very well? yeah i tend to ask strangers for a sip and offer them some of mine oops

Do you have any limits on who you drink/eat after? not after like... drooly children or elderly people. or people i think are gross in general.

Would you eat a sucker if someone already ate some of it? uh really depends on who it was

Would you chew somebody elses gum? i’d have to know them very well! but i dont see the point

Do you enjoy school? i like the social aspect of it... and it’s fun when i do well but uhh im getting a bit tired.

Are you a teacher’s pet? sometimes, unintentionally. teachers love me for some reason.

Have you ever pulled an all-nighter? all the time babey

What’s more important? Beauty or brains? well you gotta have some beauty for me to wanna get to know your brain. but ultimately personality is more important. i dont think “brains” as in supreme intellectual is really any important.

Do you believe in yourself? ah well in certain areas. been losing some motivation about my future professional life n shit.

Did you ever want to be an astronaut when you were little? oh yes, still kinda do

How about the president? no, ew

What did you want to be when you were little? rich and funny

Did you ever want to be a super model? no that seems really stressful

Do you believe your attractive enough to be a super model? haha no maybe if i went skellymode. you dont really need a gorgeous face to model, just the right body type and aesthetic. but im too clumsy and awkward when i walk to be on the catwalk.

Have you ever had an X-ray? yeah when i was in a car crash. totally unnecessary i just did it to skip school.

What’s your favorite guy’s name? What’s your favorite girl’s name? really havent thought about it. i like classic names from my country though.

Do you laugh to yourself whenever the ketchup bottle farts? nah fam

Do you have any real guns in your house? only softguns and airsnipers

What do you want to be next Holloween? 80s coke dealer

Are you a pyro? i enjoy flames and i’ve had a little history of setting fire to shit but im not a pyro

What was the last word/thing you wrote down? this shit. physically, chemistry notes.

Sleeping or eating? white bitch never eat, never sleep. nah but sleep is more important for my functioning i guess.

Are you overall a positive person? yeah i tend to always look on the bright side of things, to other peoples annoyance. i’ve been described as naive and unrealistic but hey, it’s all gonna be fine man dont worry.

Do you hate hypocrites? i do find it annoying.

Do you like to prank people? not mean pranks but a little goof is always welcome

Is vacuum spelled funny? haha cum

Democrat or republican? fuck american politics. im near-centre purple on the compass.

Who’s the biggest asshole you know? my dog Pen or pencil? pen

Should all paper have holes? doesnt matter, can just punch one in

Have you ever been in a fist fight? yeah

Ever said something to someone that you didn’t mean to say? of course

Do you forgive too easilly? yeah i guess. it takes a lot to make me really dislike a person to the point of not forgiving their shortcomings/mistakes.

What are you listening to right now? zero

Are you tan? not really

Ever had a sunburn? yeah i always get them on my cheeks, it sucks

What was the first word you learned how to say? mama or papa

What was the last thing that upset you? chemistry exam What is something you are behind on? chemistry exam

Do you feel de-valued? meh maybe sometimes but im probably not Are you wearing winter clothes or summer clothes today? jeans and a cozy lil sweater! more wintery What is your favorite winter drink at Starbucks? only time i went to starbucks i got a plain iced coffee. so that.

Do you buy or make your Christmas cards? both Do you regret things often, or do you make the right decisions for you? i regret many things after some afterthought. in the moment i think i make good desicions but it often comes back to bite me in the ass when i realized i was wrong. At what time does it get dark in the winter where you live? like 3-4 lol Is there anyone that you miss and wish you could re-connect with? we’re still connected but i miss the very close friendship i had with my elementary school bestie Are you scared of disappointing people? yeah some people. but not most people, they can be disappointed as much as they want. Has the fear of disappointing others ever made a decision for you? sure What color are the last pair of gloves you bought? black and white, present for mom

What was the last thing you wore that was leopard print? cant remember. probably an accessory Do you decorate for Christmas? yeah i like to spruce my room up What color is your tree? pine tree color Would you rather be an elf or a unicorn? elf, who the fuck wanna be a horse Do you wonder why unicorns are suddenly a craze? hello, “2009″

Do you own Christmas pajamas? i wish for new ones every year and every year i end up ripping them What time of year do you start listening to Christmas music? after december exams Do you make your own ornaments? nahh Does it snow where you live? yeah alot What is something you do daily? chat with my friends, moisturize, doodle Do you like it when it snows in December? yeah it’s a necessity for the christmas mood Are you hoping for a white Christmas? yes and im gonna get one How old were you when you found out Santa wasn’t real? like 6? Are you good or bad at saying no to people and canceling plans when needed? i really dont like to cancel and say no because it fucking sucks when people do that to me, but i know how to put my foot down. What color are your snow boots? my snow nike running shoes? white

Are you an addict? used to be an alcoholic, now im just mildly addicted to nicotine

[floraexplorer]

Ten Eco-Friendly Products for the Traveller in Your Life

“Single-use plastics are the devil!”

I stood in the pharmacy aisle and staring at the dental floss picks in disbelief. Twenty different brands, all with plastic handles wrapped in cellophane, all supposed to be used once then thrown out.

I’d just come from a visit to the dental hygienist who’d told me to I needed to floss. She’d even recommended these picks because they’re easier to use than regular floss – but I couldn’t bear the idea of wilfully buying something so environmentally wasteful.

Five minutes of deliberation later, I eventually had to turn around and walk out of the store, my vow to improve my dental hygiene melting away.

It got me thinking about the choices I make when it comes to eco-friendly products. A lot of factors in my regular life at home are chosen on the basis of their environmental impact: I shop in charity shops and thrift stores for clothes; I recycle plastics and organic waste — and clearly I’m growing increasingly conscious of how much plastic I buy.

But how do I manage to be eco-friendly when I travel? 

Travelling is, in essence, an environmental problem – from a plane ride’s damaging carbon emissions to the excessive amount of waste generated by millions of tourists in countries ill-equipped to dispose of it.

Luckily, there are countries combatting the tourism crisis with bans on single-use plastic and aims to become entirely climate-neutral – but we still have a responsibility as individuals.

When travelling, we can be more eco-conscious by turning off the lights, picking up our rubbish, using public transport, and being conscious of the amount of water we use. In short, all the things we (hopefully!) already do at home. We can eat locally, travel more slowly, and buy from independent retailers.

But the biggest personal change we can make is to simply stop using so much. If single-use items grow less popular, eventually we’ll see a marked difference in our efforts to combat waste.

Over the years I’ve amassed a selection of products which make my travels a bit more eco-friendly. I know from personal experience that they’re all affordable, durable and worth the money you’ll spend – and each of them helps the environment in their own way.

Read more: Ethical mistakes I’ve made while travelling

Reusable bag

When I was younger, I used to watch my mum carrying multiple bags everywhere she went. I used to joke and call her ‘a bag lady’ – but now I remember that her newspapers, groceries and extra layers were always in tote bags, never plastic.

A brand she particularly loved was Onya. In an effort to challenge our disposable culture, Onya use yarn made from recycled plastic bottles to make reusable bags. Mum gave me a blue Onya bag over a decade ago, and despite it getting increasingly stained and worn out, that same bag is still going strong fifteen years later.

The silky material means it’s super light and folds up to barely anything: as a result, it’s been stuffed into my pack throughout long-term travels in Asia and South America, has visited dozens of other countries and is always in my bag even when I’m in London. There’s nothing like the ‘internal-high-five’ I feel when I successfully avoid using a plastic bag in a shop!

Onya now only sell their products in Australia, but there are plenty of other reusable bags out there – like Baggu bags and these foldable totes from Bee Green.

Price: from £8 on Amazon

TOMS slipon shoes

I first discovered TOMS shoes when living in San Francisco in 2009, when I put them on and immediately felt like I was walking on clouds.

I virtually wore out that first pair while traipsing the SF cement, the bright lights of Vegas, the Chicago cityscape and the muggy air of New Orleans – and when I brought them back to England, I continued wearing them around my university town until my toes got too cold (alas they’re only really suitable for warmer temperatures). Eventually TOMS were stocked in the UK and now I find myself buying a pair every summer.

The classic TOMS are lightweight which makes them easy to pack, they’re comfortable for a full day of walking around, and they look casual-smart enough to wear in a range of different scenarios. They’re made from natural hemp, organic cotton and recycled polyester, while their shoeboxes are made from recycled post-consumer waste.

But most importantly, TOMS operate under a ‘Buy One, Give One’ model: for every purchase you make, they donate a pair of shoes to a child in poverty. As of today, TOMS have given away 86 million pairs of shoes to children – and most recently the founder, Blake Mycoskie, has donated $5 million towards ending gun violence in the US.

NB: If you’re a US citizen, you can go to TOMS.com and send a physical postcard to your Congress representative urging them to pass universal background checks.

Get them from £13 on Amazon

LUSH solid shampoo and conditioner

Travel-sized toiletries, though somewhat adorable in stature, have always felt like a huge waste of plastic. Despite only washing my hair twice a week I still run out of travel sized shampoo on long trips – and if I travel with carry-on only, there’s no way I’m using up my liquid allowance with a full sized bottle of shampoo!

Enter: solid shampoo. This stuff can take some getting used to at first, but it’s an undeniably useful product to travel with. A single LUSH Solid Shampoo Bar can last for about 80 washes and is made from natural ingredients and essential oils.

I store mine in a silver tin which doubles as somewhere to place the bar when showering (if there’s a ledge available). Simply run the bar a few times over wet hair to create a lather. Make sure you don’t pack the bar away when still damp though, as it can melt away a bit. I’ve patted mine dry with toilet paper then had to pick tiny specks of paper off it again – so any tips aside from air-drying are welcome!

Available on the LUSH website from £7.50

Go-Toob squeeze bottles

If you’re like me and have really dry hair, sometimes you have to use a particular brand of liquid shampoo – which is where Go-Toob comes in handy.

Most refillable bottles are hard plastic, making it really difficult to shake out whatever substance you’ve got inside. Go-Toobs are soft, squeezable, reusable bottles made from silicone, with a wide lip for easy filling and a no-leak valve. They’re small enough for airline carry-on, easy to wash out before reusing, and there’s even a designated space on the cap to write what product is inside.

I first picked up a trio of Go-Toob’s reusable bottles when I was packing for South America, and now they’re a requisite element of my travel wash bag. One holds shampoo, another has body moisturiser, and the third is a spare for suncream or whatever else I might need.

Available from £16 for a set of three bottles on Amazon

Reusable water bottle

Reusable water bottles are one of the easiest eco-friendly switches to make: they’re cheaper than buying bottled water and they greatly reduce wasted plastic. 

I have a few in my collection: two different sizes of Ion8 bottles made from BPA-free plastic, and two metal bottles from Klean Kanteen – one with a wide lip and one with a sports cap. I find the latter easiest for travel because although a wide-lipped bottle is aesthetically appealing, it has the ability to jolt against my teeth if I’m not standing perfectly still. After an accident in the school playground where I broke my front tooth, I’m now really cautious about possible teeth-related accidents!

A word of warning when travelling: always check whether the tap water is safe to drink. If you’re unsure, you can use water purification tablets or a LifeStraw.

Price: from £18.95 on Amazon

Mooncup

After years of worrying about developing Toxic Shock Syndrome from tampons, I started using a menstrual cup when I went to South America and I’ve never looked back.

For female travellers, menstrual cups are a no-brainer: gone are the days of using up precious backpack space with tampons, or running the risk of not being able to buy them in your destination. But they’re really eco-friendly too. The average person goes through approximately 11,000 pads and/or tampons in their lifetime, all of which end up in landfill: in comparison, you only need to replace your menstrual cup every few years.

A Mooncup is made of soft medical-grade silicone which you fold and put inside yourself, where it then pops into its original shape and creates a seal with your cervix. To remove, you simply pinch the base of the cup and pull on the stem, then empty it out and clean before using again (a tip: it’s handy to take a water bottle to public toilets for this part!).

It’s understandably a bit nerve-wracking to use a menstrual cup the first few times, but you get the hang of it pretty quickly. And again, Mooncups give you longer lasting protection than other sanitary products so when you’re travelling and don’t have constant access to a toilet, there’s no panic about changing it in time! If you’re someone like me, who often suffers from thrush (which once happened after using a tampon for too long on an 18 hour night bus ride from Poland to Lithuania with a locked on-board toilet and no stops…), the non-absorbency of a menstrual cup means no dryness, which is also a lifesaver.

There are two sizes of Mooncup: choose A if you’re aged 30 or older or have given birth vaginally at any age, and B if you’re under 30 and haven’t given birth.

Price: from £21.99 on Mooncup’s site

[Image: Mama Loup’s Den]

THINX underwear

The second element to my eco-friendly period game are THINX: period underwear which are made with various absorbent materials to prevent any leaks. I ordered two pairs of these babies all the way from the US. Shipping costs were a bit of an annoyance, but nonetheless they’re bloody fantastic. Pun intended.

THINX are only slightly thicker than normal underwear, and come in six different styles with various levels of absorbency, including bikinis, boy shorts and thongs. I wear them along with my Mooncup for maximum peace of mind on the first few days of my cycle, but they’re also great to use before your period arrives so you can avoid spotting in regular underwear.

Cleaning THINX is pretty easy: just soak them in cold water first and then either handwash or chuck them in a cold washing cycle without fabric softener (as it can affect the antimicrobial materials). They do take a while to air dry, so it’s worth having more than one pair.

As with menstrual cups, using period underwear saves you using non-recyclable one-use sanitary products which end up in landfill.

(NB: If you’d be interested in an honest review about my experiences with THINX, let me know in the comments!)

Prices start from £27 at THINX (get £8 off your first purchase!)

Ethnotek backpack

My favourite backpack brand is Ethnotek, an ethically responsible social enterprise which use handmade textiles from artisans all over the world, from Vietnam and Ghana to Indonesia, Guatemala and India. 

I’d been following Ethnotek for a long time, but I was finally able to meet the two founders, Cori and Jake, in Bali earlier this year. We had brunch in an Ubud cafe and chatted about their passion for keeping traditional handcraft practices alive.

Sadly many local artisans are seeing less and less demand for their work, with handmade products being replaced by factories and machines which leads to loss of jobs and ultimately the disappearance of handicrafts. That’s why it’s so important to see Ethnotek creating new demand for these traditional practices by featuring tie-dye, batik, block printing, embroidery and handloom weaving on its bags.

Available from $89 at Ethnotek. Use the code ‘FLORA10’ at checkout for a 10% discount!

Reusable cotton rounds

Once I realised how wasteful it is to use disposable face wipes, cotton balls and cotton pads, I spent ages searching the internet high and low for reusable alternatives. It took a long time to find a stockist who wasn’t in the US and could deliver to England, but eventually Etsy came to my rescue.

A set of organic cotton rounds easily replace other single-use products: simply pop your cleanser or toner on the pad and use as normal, but then put them in the wash afterwards (courtesy of the thoughtfully included laundry bag!). Mine are made from two layers of cotton, along with a layer of antibacterial bamboo towelling on one side: as it’s slightly rougher, it removes more makeup!

My only issue with reusable cotton rounds is that some of them have stained slightly from over use, so I’d recommend handwashing them with some soap and warm water sooner rather than later.

Price: from £9 on Amazon

Bamboo toothbrush

You know there’s a global crisis when a company willingly gives away their product for free in the hopes of changing people’s minds for the better. 

When I saw an advert from ‘Giving Brush’ on Facebook I didn’t believe them at first – but when my free bamboo rainbow toothbrush arrived in the mail a few weeks later, I suddenly realised how irresponsible it is to use plastic toothbrushes which need to be changed every few months.

The handle is made from bamboo, a natural plant-based material so it will eventually biodegrade, and the bristles are made from nylon – not super recyclable, although some companies use the biodegradable ‘nylon4’.

Available from £8.99 for a pack of four on Amazon

What eco-friendly products do you travel with? Is there any product you wish could become more environmentally conscious?

Disclaimer: this article contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase through these links I will earn a small commission at no cost to you.

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[in-the-midst-of-everything]

Hey today was one fuck of a day!!!

Idk if I should bitch about it first or talk about yesterday, cuz yesterday was pretty good. But damn. Today just fucking sucks. I think I will do that first cuz ending with happy thoughts sounds like a better idea. And I gotta get this off my chest.

So we went to biolife yesterday and couldn't donate, so we both loaded up on iron and tried again today. Nothing. Both of us got turned away for one point below safe iron levels. Idk how?? I usually have good luck with donating, only if I haven't eaten enough I get turned away, but I had plenty of food in the prior 24 hours, ate a bowl of toasty-o's (80% daily iron value???) Which usually does the trick but nah. A wasted trip up to point, planned on coming home with $50 in gas money but NOPE. Now I'm down to 13 (?) on my biolife card and $75 to my name otherwise. That's it. That's all I got. So much for getting my shit sorted out in 2k18 cuz I am waaaaaaaaaaay behind on that plan. I have money coming from uncle Tim and Kathy, plus 2 art commissions I need to kick my ass into gear for, so I'll be ok but FUCK man. It's fucking July in a week and I'm STILL fucking scraping by

And I am PISSED at Sharon but I don't know how to tell her cuz I've been trained out of being confrontational my entire life and I don't wanna lose my damn job cuz she's been an absolute bitch lately. But I'm STILL getting half fucking paychecks cuz I guess I'm still paying off the forwarded money from this winter, I wasn't aware this would be going halfway the fuck into summer, I've drained my savings paying bills and fixing my fucking car I have next to nothing left. I can't buy food. I can't buy alcohol to cope, I can't do literally anything cuz I'm motherfucking broke. I was supposed to have money saved up to take the cats to the vet, get my motorcycle liscence and start looking for a bike, save money for a road trip this fall, but fuck ALL of that cuz I'm cruzing through the year by skin of my teeth.

And the big kicker, the motherfucking cherry on top, I haven't been getting my full 40 each week. Sharon has some kind of crisis going on that she's watching her money, so I missed 5 hours last week cuz she didn't have anything for me to do??? Bull fucking SHIT there is SO MUCH that needs to be done around that fucking place but she sent me home. ON TOP OF cutting my summer hours from 10/day to 9.5 to 9.75. Which isn't a huge change but really???? Just. WHY.

And I also mentioned she's been damn near unbearable all year so far, everything I thought she wanted from me is flipped now. I started clocking in right from the start 5 mins early. Cuz she specifically sat me down and told me last year she hated me being there on the dot, that I could punch in 5 mins early. Well now I guess I clock out early too, "just in case you go over time". Which is easy enough to fucking fix, just clock out sooner next day BUT WHATEVER. IDFK SHARON.

And I didn't say anything when she first told me this shit cuz I can't process information that fast and what it means on my end so I just agree on the spot and fuck myself over.

SO. I went into work today an hour later by her request, after a whole morning of low key panicking about money and doing the nasty ass dishes. She left almost immediately after showing me what to clean up by the big garage, and after I washed the rtv I fucked off and sat in the office with Holly for an hour. Cuz I needed someone to talk to, just bs with and not anything important. And it was pretty good. I had developed a migraine on the way home from point and chilling out in the office helped it. I spent the next 7 hours weed whacking the shit outta the mess around the big garage, pulling water line tubing from the matted grass, and organizing the trash into a burn pile and pick up pile. It sped time along really fast actually, and I was actually pretty ok for most of the day, aside from itchy, sweaty and frustrated. I cleaned the bathrooms at 10 and sat around wasting time for a bit to push my time to midnight to make the most out of my night, and on the walk back to put my shit away 2 things happened.

1st Sharon texted me at 11:40 asking if I was still cleaning bathrooms. Fucking yes, I have til midnight and I came in late, I'm not going over time in anyway ffs.

2nd one of Rome's buddies caught me on my way past and asked me over for a shot of his long island iced tea, which ofc I accepted. It was good, I haven't had hard liquor in so long it was actually really good. He asked what I was up to and told me about how Sharon busted them last night at 1am having fun in the camper. Cuz it was past "quiet time". On a Friday night, really Sharon? God, no fun allowed. He offered me a ride back to put my cleaning shit away, and I mentioned that I had to clock out and head home. Immediately after getting in my car I thought wtf, I should've made better conversation?? Like, at least act like I would hang around if they invited me, cuz I totally would, I've been so socially deprived lately it's not even funny. But I didnt??? I just was like....ya...I'm headed home. And he didn't push, but like. Idk. It all boils down to I have a paranoia about my image at the campground. As stupid as that sounds. But I'm literally always doing manual labor, usually focused on a job or have headphones as earplugs in so I can't talk (not that Sharon would let me anyway) and I leave right after I clock out cuz no one invites me over cuz I don't talk to anyone. Like I feel like my presence there isn't impacting literally anyone, I'm just the Employee That Does Work and that's it. And this paranoia was cemented recently when I finally followed the Facebook page, saw how often she updates and all the pics and videos she uses have like, Bill and Holly and other campers in them, she was showing off the jump pad and stuff and like...that wouldn't be there without me. I spent days digging the fucking trench for the electric line by hand, AFTER clearing the field and leveling the plot. AND I helped roll it out and set it up. Like idk I feel like I do all the hard work but don't get to join in any of the fun? And it just feels really shitty when none of your work is acknowledged. And going back to my intial(?) point, I'm so socially deprived and downright //lonely//. And I feel bad saying it cuz Hope and I live together, we're literally always sharing space together but I feel like I have no one else. Kenzie's barely existing being dragged down by work and money stress, I try to stay in close touch but it's hard. And out of this circle? Nothing. Kenzie has Dan and her coworkers to talk to, Hope is constantly on discord talking to the chat there, she tells me all about that. And I have...no one else. I message my sisters frequently but they're both insanely busy. I'm seeing Nikki and Cassy on Wednesday to help them move, but despite Nikki and I really hitting it off we don't actually talk regularly and that kinda makes me sad. But I'm conflicted there too, I'll rant in another post about that.

And idk. I'm just so. Genuinely. Lonely. I have no one to go see (not that I'd have the fucking time lmao) no one to talk to, starting new aquaintenceships is exhausting as all hell, and when I'm not around Hope I'm alone with my own thoughts. I've always been a loner, I'm comfortable in my own company and I can have fun by myself...but it's really taking a toll on me. Especially since Hope and kenzie seem like they can't keep up with me. I'm ready to do almost anything, anytime, but Hope needs several days' warning to do anything big and kenzies always tired. We managed a friend day out a couple weeks ago, we went out to Rabbit rock and I could've explored and climbed for another 2 hours, but their legs hurt and it was hot out, and they headed back to the car while I was still on the rock. There was plenty of daylight left and I would've loved to visit the woods or go hang at the lake, but we ended up heading back home and chilling at the apartment. Which was fine. I wasn't mad or anything, I just wanted more outside time. I miss the excitement, the sense of adventure. Kenzie and I made it out to the woods once this spring, and we didn't even wander. We just drove out to scope out the trails and left. And it's getting so hard to hang out in general, our work schedules never align and we're all broke af. I'm so exausted. I'm sick and tired of working our asses off but not getting ahead. We're all fucking behind yet despite all our efforts, it's just not good enough.

I came home tonight with all these thoughts knocking around in my head and doing all I could to hold back tears. Immediately grabbed my 2 beers from the fridge and got in the shower, tried to relax myself and drown out some of the panic, but it's not feeling like it's working. I'm just mildly dizzy Andy headaches coming back from crying. Idk what to do anymore. I have plans for once in my life but even the simplest goals are continuously just out of reach. I tell myself to just keep rolling with it, try to build momentum and you'll get there eventually. But I'm so far from making any headway. I'm keeping my head up but it's getting so, so hard....

[marcusssanderson]

50 Ray Bradbury quotes on Technology, Life and the Future

Ray Bradbury quotes on Everyday Power Blog!

Ray Bradbury was born Ray Douglas Bradbury to Leonard Spaulding Bradbury and Ester Moberg Bradbury in Waukegan, Illinois on August 22, 1920. He had a relatively idyllic childhood, and loved reading adventure and fantasy stories.

Inspirational Ray Bradbury quotes about life

At around age 12 or 13, he made the decision to become a writer because he wanted to “live forever” through his novels. The first time he was paid for a piece of writing happened when he contributed a joke to George Burns’s Burns & Allen Show. He graduated from high school in 1938, but as he could not afford to go to college due to the fact that this was during the Depression, he decided to self-teach himself everything at the library by going three days a week for ten years.

While working on his writing career, he supported himself by selling newspapers. His first short story publication came in a fan magazine in 1938. In 1939, he started his own magazine made up almost completely of his own writing, which he called Futuria Fantasia. He sold his first professional piece, a story called “Pendulum,” in 1941, and he became a full-time writer in 1943. Dark Carnival, his first collection of short stories, was published in 1947. He published his first major work, The Martian Chronicles, in 1950. His most popular piece of work, Fahrenheit 451, was published only three short years later, in 1953, and became an instant classic.

He continued to write well into his 80s, and even continued after he could no longer write himself by telling one of his daughters to transcribe his words for him. His life-long career in writing and brilliant storytelling came to an end when he died at the age of 91, on June 5, 2012, in Los Angeles, California. Ray Bradbury is an inspiration to everyone, but especially aspiring writers and scholars, because he never let lack of money, formal college education, or the state of his life stop him from pursuing his dreams and becoming the writer he wanted to become.

  1.) You don’t have to burn books to destroy a culture. Just get people to stop reading them. – Ray Bradbury

2.) Because I like you, she said, and I don’t want anything from you. – Ray Bradbury

  3.) Don’t think. Thinking is the enemy of creativity. It’s self-conscious and anything self-conscious is lousy. You can’t try to do things. You simply must do things. – Ray Bradbury

Ray Bradbury quotes on education

4.) I don’t believe in colleges and universities. I believe in libraries because most students don’t have any money. When I graduated from high school, it was during the Depression and we had no money. I couldn’t go to college, so I went to the library three days a week for 10 years. – Ray Bradbury

5.) If you hide your ignorance, no one will hit you and you’ll never learn. – Ray Bradbury

  6.) I’m seventeen and I’m crazy. My uncle says the two always go together. When people ask your age, he said, always say seventeen and insane. – Ray Bradbury

  7.) Learning to let go should be learned before learning to get. Life should be touched, not strangled. You’ve got to relax, let it happen at times, and at others move forward with it. – Ray Bradbury

8.) Stuff your eyes with wonder, he said, live as if you’d drop dead in ten seconds. See the world. It’s more fantastic than any dream made or paid for in factories. – Ray Bradbury

Ray Bradbury quotes on writing

9.) The good writers touch life often. The mediocre ones run a quick hand over her. The bad ones rape her and leave her for the flies. – Ray Bradbury

10.) The magic is only in what books say, how they stitched the patches of the universe together into one garment for us. – Ray Bradbury

  11.) There is more than one way to burn a book. And the world is full of people running about with lit matches. – Ray Bradbury

12.) There must be something in books, something we can’t imagine, to make a woman stay in a burning house; there must be something there. You don’t stay for nothing. – Ray Bradbury

Ray Bradbury quotes on life

13.) We are an impossibility in an impossible universe. – Ray Bradbury

  14.) We are cups, constantly and quietly being filled. The trick is, knowing how to tip ourselves over and let the beautiful stuff out. – Ray Bradbury

  15.) We need not to be let alone. We need to be really bothered once in a while. How long is it since you were really bothered? About something important, about something real? – Ray Bradbury

16.) Why is it, he said, one time, at the subway entrance, I feel I’ve known you so many years? – Ray Bradbury

  17.) You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you. – Ray Bradbury

18.) A book is a loaded gun in the house next door…Who knows who might be the target of the well-read man? – Ray Bradbury

Ray Bradbury quotes on life

19.) A good night sleep, or a ten minute bawl, or a pint of chocolate ice cream, or all three together, is good medicine. – Ray Bradbury

20.) Anything you dream is fiction, and anything you accomplish is science, the whole history of mankind is nothing but science fiction. – Ray Bradbury

  21.) Bees do have a smell, you know, and if they don’t they should, for their feet are dusted with spices from a million flowers. – Ray Bradbury

22.) But you can’t make people listen. They have to come round in their own time, wondering what happened and why the world blew up around them. It can’t last. – Ray Bradbury

More Ray Bradbury quotes

23.) Everything that happens before Death is what counts. – Ray Bradbury

24.) Find out what your hero or heroine wants, and when he or she wakes up in the morning, just follow him or her all day.. – Ray Bradbury

  25.) First you jump off the cliff and build your wings on the way down. – Ray Bradbury

26.) I don’t talk things, sir. I talk the meaning of things. – Ray Bradbury

  27.) I have two rules in life – to hell with it, whatever it is, and get your work done. – Ray Bradbury

28.) I went to bed and woke in the middle of the night thinking I heard someone cry, thinking I myself was weeping, and I felt my face and it was dry. – Ray Bradbury

Ray Bradbury quotes on dreams

29.) I’ll hold on to the world tight some day. I’ve got one finger on it now; that’s a beginning. – Ray Bradbury

  30.) It doesn’t matter what you do…so long as you change something from the way it was before you touched it into something that’s like you after you take your hands away. – Ray Bradbury

31.) Love. Fall in love and stay in love. Write only what you love, and love what you write. The word is love. You have to get up in the morning and write something you love, something to live for. – Ray Bradbury

  32.) So few want to be rebels anymore. And out of those few, most, like myself, scare easily. – Ray Bradbury

  33.) The minute you get a religion you stop thinking. Believe in one thing too much and you have no room for new ideas. – Ray Bradbury

34.) There was her face, like a summer peach, beautiful and warm, and the light of the candles reflected in her dark eyes. [He] held his breath. The entire world waited and held its breath. – Ray Bradbury

  35.) There’s no use going to school unless your final destination is the library. – Ray Bradbury

Ray Bradbury quotes

36.) You have to know how to accept rejection and reject acceptance. – Ray Bradbury

37.) Then I looked at the window and thought: Why, yes, it’s just the rain, the rain, always the rain, and turned over, sadder still, and fumbled about for my dripping sleep and tried to slip it back on. – Ray Bradbury

  38.) Ideas excite me, and as soon as I get excited, the adrenaline gets going and the next thing I know I’m borrowing energy from the ideas themselves. – Ray Bradbury

  39.) Every morning I jump out of bed and step on a landmine. The landmine is me. After the explosion, I spent the rest of the day putting the pieces together. – Ray Bradbury

40.) If God treats you well by teaching you a disastrous lesson, you never forget it. – Ray Bradbury

  41.) Video games are a waste of time for men with nothing else to do. Real brains don’t do that. – Ray Bradbury

42.) There are worse crimes than burning books. One of them is not reading them. – Ray Bradbury

More motivational Ray Bradbury quotes

43.) You can’t try to do things; you simply must do them. – Ray Bradbury

  44.) You fail only if you stop writing. – Ray Bradbury

  45.) If an idea isn’t exciting, you shouldn’t do it. – Ray Bradbury

46.) If you dream the proper dreams, and share the myths with people, they will want to grow up to be like you. – Ray Bradbury

  47.) Touch a scientist and you touch a child. – Ray Bradbury

  48.) Love is easy, and I love writing. You can’t resist love. You get an idea, someone says something, and you’re in love. – Ray Bradbury

49.) It’s lack that gives us inspiration. It’s not fullness. – Ray Bradbury

  50.) We are anthill men upon an anthill world. – Ray Bradbury

Which Ray Bradbury quotes are your favorite?

Tell us in the comment section below!

The post 50 Ray Bradbury quotes on Technology, Life and the Future appeared first on Everyday Power Blog.

[douchebagbrainwaves]

WHERE TO A BOSS

Performance isn't everything, you say? And if Microsoft's applications only work with some clients, competitors will be able to find a few smart people to a site that caused them to waste lots of time. Partly this is because the rest of the world that mean people don't rule, and that people choose mostly based on how intellectual the work sounds when described in research papers than commercial software, but there will be a while before any American city can bring itself to do that? I created in the first step, and ngood and nbad are the number of false positives will not tend to be short. Sort routines you can write software that recognizes individual properties of spam. The ones on startups get tested by about 70 people every 6 months. I don't mean this in an insulting way—of the kind of people who will put up with them because they need a job. 9762507 cgi 0.

The American way is to make more than you spend. Hosting applications is a lot more work.1 If it's not what you want to take a break from working, I walk into the square, just as we marvel now at what early car owners put up with, just as Facebook was though they probably didn't realize it when they got all the Harvard undergrads.2 Even at the morning-after valuations of March and April 2001, the people running the networks will take the easy route and try to keep the old model: mainframe applications are all server-based applications will often be useful to let two people edit the same document, for example, is all math. What sustains a startup in the beginning it works. The example of painting can teach us not only how to manage our own work, but on gaining control of some bottleneck. Over time the teams have gotten smaller, faster, and you can release it as soon as they're discovered. If the movie industry could have any law they wanted, where would they stop? In addition to catching bugs, they were exceptional.

Every time the site gets slow, I fortify myself by recalling McIlroy and Bentley's famous quote The key to performance is elegance, not battalions of special cases. Here's a case where we can trade efficiency for even the smallest increase in convenience.3 Even now I think if you looked inside the average Windows user you'd find a huge and pretty much 100% of their advice was about investor psychology. The kind of people who are supposed to be doing something else; and though businesses, their founders often know nothing about business. The ups and downs are surprisingly extreme. So we're in much the same position as someone buying technology for large organizations don't care if they pay a fortune for mediocre software. The user doesn't know what a programming language is, they'll say something like Oh, a high-level language? I can think of possibilities that shock even me, with my conscientiously broadened mind.

Curiously, a filter based on word pairs see below might well catch this one: cost effective, setup fee, money back—pretty incriminating stuff. In fact, it's the computer Steve Huffman wrote Reddit on.4 I don't really blame Amazon for applying for the one above.5 It was a classic metacircular interpreter written on top of Common Lisp, with a definite owner, and with interfaces between them that are as carefully designed and, if possible. So let's look at Silicon Valley the way you'd look at a product made by a company called Miquelrius. They're a lot of them.6 Look at the individual, not where they went to college. A programming language is for thinking of programs, not for expressing programs you've already thought of. I was 13 that TV was addictive, so I have the inside story about admissions. This essay is derived from an invited talk at ICFP 2004.

I suppose that's worth something. He was like Michael Jordan.7 The tragedy of the situation is that by far the greatest liability of not having gone to the college you'd have liked is your own feeling that you're thereby lacking something.8 Though the situation is that by far the greatest liability of not having gone to the college you'd have liked is your own feeling that you're thereby lacking something. But you're asking for trouble if you try to decide what to optimize, just log into a server and see what's consuming all the CPU. I'm more forgiving than she is, but my guess is that someone at Yahoo goofed.9 You don't have to do that?10

In the period just before the industrial revolution, some of the software support for CDs and DVDs wasn't ready. That will increasingly be the route to worldly success. Or rather, any client, and if you have to make it something that hackers themselves will want to use yourself. My guess is that someone at Yahoo goofed. Is there no configuration of the bits in memory of a 4K TRS-80.11 The arrival of desktop computers inspired a lot of mistakes. Programs should be written for people to start startups. Back in 1997, one of the most powerful tools you can find a good teacher.

Unless you're planning to write math applications, of course, the probabilities should be calculated individually for each user.12 Viaweb, to the extent I thought about the question at all. I wanted to do any amount of math you need as a hacker is a lot more than Yahoo. I remember time seeming to stretch out, so we were on the same parts. Don't be intimidated. Don't worry what people will say.13 Don't you learn things at the best schools. Half our earnings were too. I could keep up current rates of spam filtering, I would consider this problem solved.

Notes

If the response doesn't come back. Buy an old-fashioned idea. A P supermarket chain because it was outlawed in the sense of things you sell. The First Two Hundred Years.

If a man has good corn or wood, or some vague thing like that.

The story of Business Week article mentioning del.

If you want to start some vaguely benevolent business. Yes, it means a big success or a 2004 Mercedes S600 sedan 122,000, the American custom of having employers pay for health insurance derives from the end of World War II the tax codes were so bad that they could probably improve filter performance by incorporating prior probabilities.

And the expertise and connections the founders of failing startups would even be conscious of this theory is that in the definition of property.

Trevor Blackwell points out that another way in which internal limits are expressed. And yet there is something in the Neolithic period. Strictly speaking it's impossible to write great software in Lisp.

There are two simplifying assumptions: that the big winners aren't all that matters, just that they're all that value, don't destroy the startup is compress a lifetime's worth of work into a fancy restaurant in San Francisco wearing a jeans and a wing collar who had to for some reason insists that you end up. Don't invest so much better that you decide the price of a problem this will give you fifty times as much as Drew Houston needed Dropbox, or your job will consist of dealing with the exception of the growth rate has to their stems, but it turns out to be careful.

As one very successful YC founder told me they like the iPad because it lets them bring the Internet, like someone adding a few hours of advice from your neighbor's fifteen year old to get kids into better colleges, I can establish that good art is a way that's rare among technology companies between them. Unless you're very smooth if you're college students.

There may be common in the Sunday paper. Oddly enough, a well-known byproduct of oligopoly. Photo by Alex Lewin.

The most accurate way to answer the first wave of hostile takeovers in the Valley use the word philosophy has changed is how much of the corpora. But it can have a one world viewpoint, deciding to move from Chicago to Silicon Valley. In-Q-Tel that is allowing economic inequality to turn down some good ideas buried in Bubble thinking. It was common in, you'll usually do best to pick the former.

Apparently the mall was not just for her but for the first thing they'd do is keep track of statistics for foo overall as well. Some find they have a precise measure of the people working for me to put in the next Apple, maybe you'd start to rise again. There was one of them.

According to the writing teachers were transformed in situ into English professors.

The variation in prices. Thanks to judgmentalist for this situation: that the web was going to drunken parties. But which of them is a coffee-drinking vegan cartoonist whose work they see you at a Demo Day and they begin by having a gentlemen's agreement with the earlier stage startups, just try to make money from the example of applied empathy.

[angel-and-the-antelope-blog]

Laughed at by your family for wanting to follow your passion? Success is the best revenge. With David Horvath

Have you ever felt like you’re not getting the support you need to succeed, especially from the people closest to you? Then you need to read every word of this interview with David Horvath. Co-creator of the globally successful Uglydoll brand. This is one of my all time favorite interviews.

I have a lot of respect for how amazingly generous and open David is. He shares the struggles he faced and overcame to follow his childhood dream. A dream that, it seemed no one else wanted him to achieve. Read it, learn from it, take action on what you learn. And don’t ever let those who don’t have the courage to follow their own dreams, prevent you from following yours…

Uglydoll Kaiju

Angel: David, with the widespread success of the Uglydoll you are being hailed as one of the top character designers in the world, but did you have this passion for toys as a kid?

David: When I was 12 the class was going around discussing what they wanted for Xmas, etc. The boys wanted Atari, footballs, etc. I already had all of that in my garage so I said I wanted GOLION, a die cast metal Japanese robot. Many of the kids laughed until I explained that it said “ages 13 and up” on the box, meaning they weren’t old enough to play with it just yet. Then they kinda just stayed away. So in a way, the cool kids became the outsiders and I stayed put.

The Cool Kids Became Outsider And I Stayed Put

Angel: So it sounds like you chose to follow your own path from an early age. Did you get any support from the people around you?

David: My mother was a designer at Mattel for many years. I wish that had helped me some but the honest truth is, she wasn’t permitted to discuss her job with me and she stayed loyal to that golden requirement. The only way I knew she still worked there was through catalogs and purple He-Man errors brought home. But those catalogs were inspiring. I always knew that I wanted to tell stories through toys.

Bossy Bear

The resistance came from my father, who told me that surrounding myself with toys and quitting Art Center to go work at a toy store would never amount to me making my own toys. He would tell all his professional contacts and co-workers about his waste-of-life son locked up in his toy room, working at a toy shop. He made many a famous or well known professional in the art and design world shake their head at me (being told his version, not mine). So there was resistance. Luckily, I didn’t care. He wanted to be a photographer more than anything in the world, but went into advertising because it seemed more stable to him. Avoiding your life passion out of fear is a no-no in my book.

When he would freak out over why I had so many toys (over 40 of them!) I would ask him why science majors had beakers and slides all around their room. He didn’t get it. Anyway, when I was 19, I did indeed quit advertising at Art Center so that I could go work at a local boutique toy shop, to learn the ins and outs of non-mass market toy distribution and observe moms, dads, and kids buying toys in a retail environment. That job also got me into toy fair, and got me deep into the side of toys I knew would prove to be very important if I wanted to make my dreams come true and go at it on my own.

Making toys means nothing if you don’t have any clue what will happen to them once their done. Now I hear my father clips articles and such, but from my early teens until well after we started Uglydoll, he told me toys and those stuffed doo-dads were a waste. It’s easy to get behind your kid when he’s in the paper, but with our daughter I want to be sure to be there for her during the process, not the irrelevant outcome. I hope I can use my past run in with this resistance as a life lesson so that I can do better than he did when raising my own child.

Uglydoll Cinko

Angel: So your love of toys was a hard path to follow then, but what about your growth as an artist?

David: I didn’t set out to be an artist. I still draw the same way I did when I was 10. Is it art? I don’t really care but I did see a certain path I wanted to take as someone who spends their time working on their own toys and children’s books. It was mostly mental maybe? I knew this is how it was going to go, as I wouldn’t have it any other way. Many months on my sister’s floor in the early days, and skipping meals sometimes when things got serious at the start. But that stuff is always thrown in to test how dedicated you are. I always say if someone from the future travels back in time to tell you your life long dream will fail 100%, and you still go for it anyway, it will work.

Angel: You clearly had passion, did you set any specific goals from the beginning or did you wing it as you went along?

David: There was no winging it and the plan was always very specific. We get tons of emails asking how to do XYZ, which is great. I pretty much reply the same way each time, that in my experience, taking the same path someone else did results in getting close but never where you want to end up. Ignoring those paths and making up your own route leads you to where you really belong, wherever that may be.

I Use This Now Pretty Much Scientifically Proven Method By The Hour And It Works

Angel: Can you share any techniques you use to help you focus on achieving your goals?

David: Ugh I wish you asked before the “Secret” came out, but actually I have always believed in the law of attraction since I first read about it many years ago. I use this now pretty much scientifically proven method by the hour and it works. Your mind effects the universe, and it also creates it. Your thoughts absolutely determine your reality. How you generally feel inside and what thoughts you generally carry in your head is what’s going to keep coming at you. This is a huge part. The biggest. The rest is all minor detail, actually.

Uglydoll Wage Green Kaiju

Angel: What about the excuses many people have for not following their creative dreams; no money, time, credibility, support etc. Did you ever confront these same doubts?

David: Those aren’t excuses. Those are hurdles. Just need to jump. We had zero help. Zero cash. Ah but we had a needle, a scanner, a pen, an old borrowed digital camera, and a mac lap top which I got by selling my 2 older macs from when I had a job before. That first sewn doll sold for $30.00 And then the next one sold. Soon we had $3000!. So we used that to make more and keep it all growing. I had one design-ish art job after graduating from Parsons with Sun-Min. It didn’t last long. The first few weeks were great and I had a lot of fun animating in Flash until the boss told me to change a color to purple, and that was it for me. And I was super zapped by the end of the day anyway, too tired to work on my own stuff. Lesser paying jobs, be it retail stores or coffee houses, are great because you get so pissed off that your dream work comes out no matter what. But a “real” job with co-workers wanting to hang out and drink, late hours, weekends, and comfortable money coming in, is a dream killer.

When we decided to start for real, I slept on my sisters floor for 9 months eating not much more than cereal, plain white bread, and salads, and then moved to a tiny illegally erected bedroom within an industrial building in the then very scary DUMBO, Brooklyn, surviving on a daily menu of egg on a roll in the morning, a bagel and coffee for lunch, and really good $3.00 chicken legs from a local corner stand at night. Rent was a few hundred bucks, paid for by selling everything I owned in LA, keeping 5 days of clothes and not much else. I bought an air bed but had no table, so the computer was on the bed. $5.00 a day was the food limit. Laundry was once a week, and monthly subway passes were $80. I had nothing else and often went with out the coffee. A Japanese magazine shooting “famous artists” homes came to do a shoot, and elected to take photos of someone else’s much nicer room in the building just to avoid wasting a whole day. They even dressed it with our dolls. ( I tried to tell them.)

Uglydoll Babo

One Guy Called Me A Millionaire, On The Day I Had To Skip Lunch To Survive

I lived this way for the first 2 years of Uglydoll when everyone was calling me a millionaire. One guy called me just that on a day I had to skip lunch to survive. Then Sun-Min [my partner and co-designer] and I basically lived on the road when we went into full production and sales grew. Until we were married, we lived in hotels, traveling from trade show to trade show, driving across the US, stopping by small towns to find small shops.

Get As Much Input As You Can And Then Don’t Follow Any it

Angel: Did you ever go out and actively ask people for help and advice?

David: I realized when I was much younger after calling up Gary Baseman for some very good advice that I was getting great advice on how to do things a way they had already been done. The best advice I can give is to get as much input as you can, and then don’t follow any of it.

Angel: Now you’ve been in the industry for many years do you find it easier to call on your creativity at will? Do you have any tips for being more creative more often?

David: I just make what comes out. For the Ugly Guide books, there’s no sketches. I draw and write with a pen. No eraser, so it’s all a mistake. As for how to be more creative more often, sit down and work. Done deal. Even if crap comes out, sitting down and getting to work is what matters. Read “The War Of Art” by Steven Pressfield. That will help with the procrastination, if that’s the issue. That book was a great help and I am pretty sure the above is a quote from that book. It’s ingrained into my brain, so plagiarism not intended.

Icebat Kaiju

Angel: How do you keep your energy up with all the work required to make it in this business?

David: Meditation. Avoid all drugs and late week nights out. Basically be what losers call a “loser”. Stay home and make stuff for other people to go do. Avoid the “scene” and avoid hanging with the top artists in them. Scene-sters and others trying to “make it” like to keep each other in check and hold each other back, and they hate anyone who breaks away.

Angel: And your views on fitness?

David: Mental fitness is just as important as physical. Food is important. No soda. I quit all soda. But what’s most important is monitoring your daily, almost hourly mindset. Do you carry “Life is tough, life sucks” in your head all day? Then it will be. Careful, because the music, movies and games you repeat over and over too often can keep you in a certain mindset, good or bad.

Angel: What about the rock and roll lifestyle of being a hip artist and designer?

David: If you’re living a rock and roll life style, you get your photos in the backs of magazines only you and your buddies read and not much else.

My title is : Nerdy Japanese robot collector and strong believer in UFOs, ghosts, and the paranormal. The artist part is helping me save my pennies so I can switch over to UFO research full time. For real. See my blog for more on that. It’s boring though, so careful.

Angel: Ghost hunting aside, how often in your creative work do you find yourself doing things that you are afraid of?

David: My daily routine is wake up, do things that make me afraid, eat, sleep, draw, repeat. If you’re afraid, you’re on the right track. Keep at it! Just don’t discuss it or dwell on it.

Fear is fine but don’t use it as a way to not do what you need to do. Talking about your fear can lead to a weekly Friday night talk about your fears while drinking beer. Forget that. Do your work, then drink.

Angel: How often do you find yourself failing at something or abandoning a piece of work?

David: The real failure is not starting. So, never.

Angel: Isn’t it a shame they don’t teach that approach in school!

David: Math was my favorite art class. I used to fill in my test answers with UFO drawings. I got an F but was I wrong? That’s the key. But if you get all A’s in school, what does that mean? Good job little Johnny, you memorized what we told you to and filled in the blanks. Maybe it’s better to fail. I want to send our daughter to a school where they have a good balance of math, science, nutrition, financial planning, no tests, and David Icke. So basically home school.

Early on I taught a class, once a week, at Otis Art School for one year. It was supposed to be a flash animation class, but I turned it into a self help class. The class was called “quit, get your tuition back before the deadline, and use that money to make your dreams come true, because this place is simply training you to work for someone else”.

UMA (Unidentified Mysterious Animals)

Don’t Reveal Your Plan To Anyone

Angel: Are there any lessons you’ve learned about money that you’d like to pass on to other people just starting out?

David: Money! I’ll never forget our second year at Toy Fair. Many designer toy production houses set up booths after seeing how well we seemingly did the year before. As I passed the booths, one of the guys was rubbing his hands, literally, and told me “well, I’m ready to make a million dollars!” I looked back and said “You mean spend a million dollars, right?” He looked at me with a sort of ghost face, and sure enough, he didn’t set his booth up the following year. There’s nobody out there making instant cashola. There’s no “All you got to do is ________”. Even the guys you think hit it rich, did so well after you thought they did. A few smarty’s make it SEEM like they are making it big time, with hopes of selling their brand or company and its “perceived value” to larger companies looking to grab up a “hip, hot property/brand”, but no…its going to be a lot of work and nobody with some magic money wand is coming.

Hopefully. When the money comes in, save it! Or better, grow it. You’re going to need most of it to keep it all going. Making a lot of money costs a lot of money! And according to the music videos, when you make it big time, being a millionaire means buying nice cars and big houses, right? Well turns out, those are expensive!!! But the money is not as important as the “starting out” part… START! That’s all you have to do. Really. You’ll be surprised to find how few people do. Don’t tell ANYONE what you’re up to either. Don’t reveal your plan to ANYONE! Not because it’s a secret, but because something in the universe happens when you tell us what you’re going to do instead of just doing it. The universe takes it all away and you never start. Tell us what you did, not what you’re going to do. Then you’ll be fine.

Angel: With success comes more attention, is life in the public eye what you thought it would be when you set out?

David: Some kid posted a self made animated movie up on one of those movie sharing websites with characters that looked just like ours. So we made him take it down. Sad, because he was very talented and got a million hits. He called us evil and posted that we are evil all over the internet. Many fans of his movie called us evil too. Should we see him in person, who knows if there’s a danger. But the truth is, if a giant entertainment company or toy company is looking to rip us off (and they are) and sees a kid with imitations of our stuff, they copy THAT instead of ours…and when we go after the said big company, they claim that our stuff is not unique, using those copy cat works as examples. And if we don’t go after everyone, they can claim we are selective. And there’s a lot of copy cats. We work very hard to stop them. So we make a lot of enthusiastic kids with a lack of understanding in the copyright & trademark realm very upset. I don’t like that part. That kid was very talented and the animation was a college final. His professor should have told him way beforehand.

Angel: So how do you handle negative attention?

David: After an art show with Dehara at Giant Robot, a boyfriend of one of the employees, who was apparently helping out, came over to let me know that he hated my work, and that he believed my work missed an opportunity to “say something” to the viewer. (I made drawings of sad fat little kids raised on junk food emerging from video game packaging and internet browsers.)

I was fine with his comments, and after listening as intently as I do to the good comments, I started to move on with a sort of “Thanks for sharing your thoughts” polite kinda way.

Uh but he kept at it, sort of chasing me around and started to add insults such as “if someone gave one of these to me as a gift, I would throw it away” (which is a horrible thing to do, I think. A gift is a gift, good or bad.) Anyway I soon realized, sadly, that my first true live and in-person critic had turned out to be not much more than a drunkard heckler who only wanted to somehow lift himself up by trying to bring me down. I then realized he really was helping out there and his job was to take photos of anyone who bought the art. I always buy a few of Dehara’s pieces when he has a show so as he took my photo, he said stuff like “try to look like you care.” Etc to try to get a rise out of me. I didn’t say anything, and I thanked him for taking my photo. There’s no come back to drunken jealousy, so you should never try. It wastes your energy.

I’m human and a few things bring me down. But a joker like that never could. I felt embarrassed for him, because I know what makes people say such things. It’s the rot you feel when you don’t do your own work. When you don’t do your work and let fear take over for too long, you begin to hate seeing others get theirs done and up on the wall, page, screen, etc.

I only remember him because nobody before him or after him has said anything negative about my work to me in person. Uh, except for some of my past art teachers. If you do your work, and know you gave it your all, and if you live your life the way you really know you were born to, other people’s negativity seems to roll right off.

For news about David’s projects click here and go say hi on G+

Over to you

[tatteredthought]

Dead End Paul (S-Verse)

           I came into Fog City via I-80. I haven't left yet, which is saying something. I tend to come and go pretty quick. This time I needed money, Starlet needed some work, and I was tired of sleeping under trees at rest stops.

           I rented a room with what little I had. Got a job at a burger joint at the front counter. Best I can do when my grooming standards don't "fall in line". I tried to find an auto shop, but it was slow going. My luck sees to that.

           I got evicted. Don't know why. I wasn't as behind on the rent as I thought. Guess someone else had better credit.

           Figures.

           I slept on the street for a while. The shelter had decent people there. You could tell the good ones quick. Made a friend who got me a foot in the door for maintenance in an apartment complex. Pay was shit, but room was included so I jumped on it.

           Second day I was at work I saw a knockout. She stepped into the elevator with me. Blonde, cute, she was on the phone with someone. Her laugh was infectious. I watched her get off at the third floor and made note.

           That turned out to be a bust. She was meeting her girlfriend; my luck again. Probably for the best. Doubt she would have wanted much to do with Dead End Paul after a while.

           I surprised myself by keeping the job for more than a month. The super like me apparently. He and I would talk bikes. He had come in on an iron horse too. He got himself hitched and that was that. I mentioned wanting to leave and he asked me why. I told him I'd been so used to moving around I guess I didn't like the idea of stopping. He said I could do worse than Frisco. I seconded that, but I hadn't felt that kind of connection in quite a few years.

           Freckles lived on the fifth floor. She had regular work hours. I'd meet her in the hall sometimes or in the elevator. She was cool and trim with long brown hair that went past her shoulders. Small talk was easy, but she always seemed distracted. Work, I assumed.

           I was headed up to check a shower leak in 814 the day I got up the nerve to ask her out. She checked her phone and said she was free that night. We decided to hit a bistro place.

           I felt like I flubbed. She was engaging, gorgeous, damn near perfect. I was dropping things all night. My tongue tripped over things. I made a fool of myself.

           She asked if we could do it again. Somewhere inside I thought she felt sorry for me. She was an architect with aspirations. I blew in from the Midwest with no real direction. I didn't want to be my father, but I said sure.

           I fucked up.

             I kept that job for six whole months. Rebecca and I dated on and off. I knew I was going to lose my job; it was a matter of when.

           The super called me down to his office. He gave me the bad news. Owners wanted to cut costs. New guy gets the shaft. In one swoop I was jobless and homeless.

           I told Becc. She offered for me to stay with her. I was a bit surprised. I was planning on leaving town. Starlet was ready and...I thought I was. I wanted see Becc one more time before I left.

           So we met at that place from six months ago. We BS'ed and had a great time. Last call came and we staggered back to her place. She opened the door and I hesitated. Was this what she wanted? She said yes.

           I knew things would get worse from there.

             I couldn't find work after that. I tried classifieds, referrals, friends; the super said he was trying to get me hired back even. Dead End Paul strikes again.

           So I cooked and cleaned. I even fixed a few issues maintenance hadn't got around to. When I wasn't doing that I applied at places online. I got into one of those free-to-play MMOs too. If I hadn't I would never have been the wiser to her little secret.

           Sometimes she'd sneak off in the middle of the night. My room was closer to the door and I just couldn't get the top hinge to stop squealing. I got curious, but I didn't want to ask. Work was the most likely answer, but I knew her job had a set schedule.

           So, I asked her one morning. She looked worn, one of those three cup mornings. She told me not to worry about it, but I did. My mother had run wrong of some things when I was younger. I knew Becc was smarter than that, but so was mom.

           I started to keep tabs on when she left. I didn't always make it to when she came home. Then I made a connection. News media loves Supers: Snapshot and Ruin have been in the news a dozen times or more, El Lobo Negro versus Hombre Malo fighting thru the streets of Mexico City, some new guy named Shrike taking on someone calling himself Inferno in Chi-town, and then there was Maverick.

           Maverick was a local hero. The major press for him was in news blogs. I ran across someone who had a timeline of reported Super activity in the San Fran area. When Maverick was out, Becc wasn't here.

           I didn't want to believe it at first. I mean, I'm no stranger to that shit. I can do some extraordinary things myself. I just...what were the odds? Better than what I had thought was going on anyway. I had to know.

           I went snooping when she wasn't home. Now Maverick would usually wear the same things when he went out. I needed to find a green bomber jacket, a dark brown balaclava, and aviator goggles. I rummaged her closet and got zilch. I dared to go thru her dresser, nothing. All I got for my troubles was where she kept her perfume.

           I searched the rest of the apartment before it hit me. Why would she hide the stuff here? She probably had it stashed somewhere else, like her car. I had seen a backpack in the floorboard of her back seat. I was willing to bet Starlet that was where the stuff was.

           I started talking about Maverick more around Becc. I started lobbing theories around about where he could be from. She was willing to talk about it. She thought the guy was from Menlo. I doubted it. She rattled off something about how fast he was. She trailed off after that, asked about my job search. Six months since getting "released" and the best I had was a two week stint at our place down the street.

           It came to a head. Not the Maverick thing, my thing. I blew up at myself. I think it was dinner; I had burned or turned a pot over and "ruined" it. She had come home early and walked in on me smacking myself in the head, calling myself stupid. She went to stop me and I...I told her not to bother. I was a waste of air anyway.

           That was the worst fight we'd ever had. She was just trying to help, but Dead End Paul...she was better off without me. I left that night. I hopped on Starlet and I went. I took 101. I wasn't stopping until I was past Phoenix.

           Two months later I was in Derby, Kansas just south of Wichita when the shit hit the fan. The things we now know were called the Vren invaded. Cities were going up in minutes. Social media was the best place to find real time updates. It looked like the major cities around the world were being hit hardest.

           Rebecca Morrison was still in San Francisco.

           I turned Starlet west and made a road with my mind. Soon as I hit the height I wanted I opened her throttle all the way.

[thirteenthanda]

Productivity advice for the weird

I get some version of this email every day:

“How many hours do you work, Ramit? What tool do you use to manage your social media? Do you actually read 2,000 emails/day?”

All right, you want to know how I actually stay productive? Fine, I’ll show you exactly what I do. No pandering, no hiding the truth. You might think I’m over-the-top, or that my approach is weird or won’t work for you…but I don’t care if people think it’s “too much.” I care about making an impact.

Introducing the 3 Tiers of Productivity

Listen to the way most people talk about productivity.

“I just need to buckle down.”

“I need to find my ‘Why’… THEN everything will fall into place.”

“I guess I’m just not motivated enough.”

Look, productivity isn’t about “motivation.” If you think it is, you’ve already lost.

Productivity is about understanding what you really want to do, then building systems to make it work for you. The goal isn’t Inbox Zero. (Who gives a shit?) Your goal is to enable yourself to perform at your very best, every day, and over the course of weeks and months and years.

This is how you make a huge impact. Sure, you might slip up a few times. Some days you just won’t feel it — and that’s fine. Real productivity gives you freedom and flexibility because you’re consistent 95% of the time.

Think of productivity like a pyramid.

At the bottom — the foundation — are your fundamentals. Things like your environment, your sleep, and knowing what you’re going to work on every morning. Everybody ignores these because they’re not sexy. But if you don’t get these right, nothing else matters.

In the middle is your psychology, like the ability to set boundaries, handle setbacks, and be positive and resilient.

At the very top — the least important part — are the details. The things like “Which app do you use?” Everybody wastes their time focusing on this stuff. (Get a life.)

But I know you productivity nutjobs want to know all my favorite little life hacks, so I’ll show you what I use and exactly how I use it. Let’s start at the base of the pyramid, the foundation.

Tier 1: Fundamentals

In our culture, it’s a virtue to make your success seem effortless. But in reality, real success takes real effort. Most will lie to you about how easy it comes. I won’t.

This is precisely why the most important part of the productivity pyramid is the fundamentals: sleep, a clean environment, and knowing exactly what you’re going to do.

These aren’t “easy.” You can’t download an app on your phone to solve them. But they are the secret to permanently increasing your productivity.

Fundamental #1: 8 hours of sleep. Every. Night.

As a culture, we see sleep as a weakness — something that can be powered through and caffeinated over. The data shows this is not true. In fact, a lack of sleep is as harmful as being drunk.

And the celebrities who tell you they “hardly” sleep? Lies. (Just like they lie about rarely working out, when in reality they have nutritionists, trainers, and chefs.)

My fundamental “80% Win” here is that I sleep 7.5 to 8 hours almost every night.

It’s not sexy. But as I’m writing this at 9:34am, I slept 8 hours last night and I woke up knowing I was going to have a productive day.

Here’s what you might not know about sleeping 8 hours/night:

The truth about sleep makes us feel guilty. People hate hearing the reality of what celebrities eat, because the truth is not sexy. It’s the same for sleep. Because if he can sleep 8 hours and still get a ton done, what does that say about me?

Sleep-tracking devices are a complete waste of money. Your sleep will not be improved with an app. It will be improved with you doing the hard work of digging into the psychological stories you tell yourself about sleep, then setting up a system to drive the behavior of sleeping on time, then honoring it. Apps and devices are irrelevant.

Lack of sleep makes you physically weak. On days where I’ve slept less, the most immediate and quantifiable measure is during my workouts. My stamina is down and my lifts are horrible. Nothing as stark as seeing a ~25% reduction in your dumbbell weights to realize sleep has a huge impact.

Interestingly, the hardest part is often our emotional resistance to reminding ourselves to go to sleep. We find it “weird” to set a time to go to sleep (yet we don’t find it weird to set an alarm to wake up). Get over it.

My phone reminds me every night when it’s time to sleepFundamental #2: I hire someone to clean my apartment

I’m inspired by beauty. I love clean lines and thoughtful decoration. And I keep my apartment so clean that if I went blind, I would know exactly where the wooden spoon, my tongue cleaner, and my Windex are.

My mantra: A place for everything, and everything in its place!

To help, I hire someone to clean my apartment. I found them through a friend and went through the typical questions to myself:

“Can’t I just do this myself? Will people think I’m a show off? My mom didn’t have someone to clean our house and she had 4 kids…”

But then I remembered that being productive is about enabling yourself to perform at your very best, every day, and over the course of weeks and months and years. I could afford it, and it helped me be productive — so I decided it was the right thing to do.

To go even further, my real sign of abundance was moving this cleaning from once a month…to once a week.

Now I know that every Monday morning, I’ll start the day off with a perfectly clean apartment so I can get to work productively.

Fundamental #3: I have a consistent meal plan, and stick to it

I hired a chef to prepare food for me based on my fitness goals. So now, every single day I know exactly what my meal plan is. It’s one decision every week and not 21 decisions across the week. More on how I set this food system up.

(And when I go out to eat, I order anything I want, guilt-free, knowing that I eat on-plan 95% of the time.)

By the way, if you can’t afford to hire a chef (which is maybe my largest extravagance), the second-best option is to meal-prep on Sundays, packing each meal into its own container. Suddenly, you don’t have to think about food, and you can be thoughtful about your nutrition.

Fundamental #4: I optimize my calendar  

Show me a man’s calendar and his spending, and I’ll show you what he prioritizes.

I love the stability of knowing exactly what I’m going to do every day. For example, every Monday is the same: An all-team call, a product strategy call, etc. Every Tuesday is the same. Same for Wednesday, my no-meeting strategy day and the day I catch up on reading all of my articles tagged “strategy” in Pinboard and allow myself to actually feel things. (A 14-year-old is cognizant of her feelings every single day, but I only have feelings on Wednesday.)

My Mondays always follow the same structure

I also set up my calendar to take advantage of my creative energy. I have my best ideas in the morning. As the day goes on, I shift from individual writing to team calls.

Writing in the morning, meetings in the afternoon

The theme? I reduce variables so I can be totally present and focused. I’m not wondering, “What am I doing today??” because my weeks always look the same. I don’t wonder, “What am I going to eat tonight?” because my meals are pre-cooked. Psychological switching costs are real and I’d rather save my energy for other things.

All of these are totally un-sexy and most people will skip right over them (I know I did when I was younger). “Yeah, yeah, sleep is important,” I would say. “But what apps do you use???” I was an idiot.

Get these big wins right, and the productivity apps you use are irrelevant.

QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF:

□ On average, do you sleep 7-8 hours/night?

□ Do you wake up knowing exactly what you’re going to do every day?

□ Is your workspace clean and organized?

□ Is your calendar arranged to match your energy throughout the day?

□ Do you know exactly what you’re going to eat tomorrow (and does it give you energy)?

Tier 2: Psychology

Why do we feel guilty about time management? Why do we use words like “information detox” when it comes to our work? And why are we so embarrassed about the things we actually need in order to be productive?

For example, when I host a webcast late at night, I always end up going to sleep at 1 or 2am, much later than usual (thanks to caffeine and adrenaline). I used to have my normal meetings scheduled for 9am the next day, and I would be totally out of it all day. One day, it occurred to me that maybe I should push back my 9am meeting by an hour on the rare days when I hold a webinar the night before.

You know the next thing I felt? EMBARRASSMENT.

I “shouldn’t” need to push back the morning meeting. I’m a machine, right? Doesn’t everyone just talk about “powering through it”? Also, isn’t it self-indulgent to give myself an hour extra in the morning?

The answer, of course, is that I was working until 10:30pm the night before…and this only happens once a month. It’s perfectly fine to give myself a little time to catch up.

This is why I spend so much time on the emotional and psychological side of productivity. If I didn’t tackle these deep issues — the feelings of guilt, embarrassment, and “should-itis” — we would just jump right into the third section: tactics.

No productivity app or 7-second solution is ever going to tackle the psychological and emotional barriers we feel. Only you can do that. And it’s hard.

Mind hack #1: Set clear boundaries

100% of the time I hear someone saying they’re “overwhelmed,” when I dig in, I discover someone with an inability to set boundaries.

1:00

The biggest skill in combatting overwhelm is learning to set boundaries

Some questions to consider:

When was the last time you said “no” when someone asked you to help them?

When was the last time you decided what you want to do on a weekend instead of letting someone else decide for you?

When was the last time you turned down money or an opportunity because it didn’t fit in with your larger goals?

Mind hack #2: Be unapologetic with what you need

Are you comfortable doing things that seem extremely weird to others in order to be productive?

Now here’s what happens when I click on my meeting:

Let’s drill down even further: See that URL?

See how the URL is on its own line?

It used to look like this:

The URLs used to get mixed into the description

But that meant when I clicked it, I’d have to select it, copy/paste, then open another browser window. Do that 10 times a day, 60+ times a week, and it’s one minor irritation that slows you down.

So I set a rule that when a URL is added to my calendar, it has to be added with a hard return. Now, I can double click, Command-C, Command-T to open a new browser tab, Command-V, and I’m instantly in my document in less than 1 second.

Does this seem weird? OCD? Too picky? Would you be embarrassed to tell someone this is what you want?

Maybe it is. But it’s what I need to be productive. My calendar is FILLED with invites so this minor annoyance snowballs into a huge one quickly. You shouldn’t copy my calendar invite system. But you should be as honest with what causes the little frictions in your day.

Imagine the other ways you could implement this principle of a “pixel-perfect” day:

You always put your cellphone in the same pocket or area of your purse so you’re never fumbling around for it.

You always tuck your shoelaces into your shoes so they’re organized and you can avoid wrangling them when you pick your shoes up.

You set a rule to automatically re-order toilet paper when you get below 2 rolls (or spinach or toothpaste or…).

Mind hack #3: Be positive and resilient

Even though life often seems empty and meaningless, and most of what we do will have absolutely zero impact on anything on this planet, I consider myself an optimist. At least that’s what I tell myself.

The most successful people I know are optimistic. That doesn’t mean they’re bubbly or effusive — some of them seem like they’re one step away from a mental institution.

They’re optimistic in themselves. They have the confidence to know that if something goes wrong, they can bounce back.

They have the confidence to know if they sign up to do something they’ve never tried before, they can figure it out.

And they have the confidence to know that the little habits they’ve built over years and years are more important than one binge, one late night, or one day of blowing it off and going to the movies.

(If you want to go deeper, open our Ultimate Guide to Habits in a new tab and save for later.)

A lot of people look at all these systems and calendars and borderline-nutjob processes I’ve built and wonder how tightly wound I must be. Hey, maybe they’re right.

But in reality, most of these habits don’t take much time at all, because I built them years and years ago. They allow me to be totally present and focused on whatever I’m doing. Counterintuitively, discipline gives me freedom.

Just like a great investor knows any individual stock is not going to make or break his portfolio, I know that one day — even a day where I wake up late, eat an insane amount of food, nap half the day, and watch 15 shows on Netflix — is not going to hurt much. That actually sounds pretty fun.

Because I have the confidence in myself and my systems to know that I’ll bounce back tomorrow and get back into it.

How to handle setbacks with a resilient mindset….

When something goes wrong — you wake up late, miss a deadline, skip the gym, or overeat — do you beat yourself up? Or do you take it in stride, knowing you have the systems and support to get back on track tomorrow?

Do you have a system you use if you fall behind? (For example, I build in “catch up time” on Wednesdays for anything I’ve fallen behind on.)

In his book How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big, Scott Adams tells the story of getting a rare disorder that threatened to permanently take away his ability to speak. While in the hospital, he could’ve gotten depressed. But he knew how to keep himself optimistic. He repeated to himself over and over, “I, Scott Adams, will speak perfectly.” Do YOU give yourself this kind of positive reinforcement?  

Tier 3: Details

This is where people spend 90% of their time, when in reality, if you’ve tackled the first 2 pillars, you should spend less than 10% here. It’s like writing a college paper: If you master the material and create a detailed outline, the type of pencil you use really doesn’t matter.

0:57

Inbox Zero — who gives a shit?

Tactical rules of thumb I use:

If you can fix something with money, fix it with money. The $100 solution is more powerful than you can imagine, especially when it comes to hiring someone to do something that’s been nagging at you or that you dislike doing. Things like hiring someone to come in and fix some basic thing, pack your clothes, sit down with you and set up email filters, styling, cleaning your closet.

Automate your repetitive tasks. I have things auto-delivered as much as possible. For example, every week, I get coffee automatically ground and sent to me. Same with toiletries, food, etc. It just shows up and I never worry if I’m going to run out of anything.

Use systems to help you be proactive about things you want to do. For example, I know the birthdays of all my family members. Instead of just getting reminded about it the day of, I make sure to get reminded 2 weeks before so I can think about gifts and send something to arrive on their birthday.

Apps I use:

You don’t need 10 million apps but I’ll give you a couple to stop the 10,000 emails I get about this.

TripIt — Puts all of your travel information in a single place. This app automatically updates flight status and displays my confirmation number right when I open it.

Pinboard & Pocket — Whenever I see something I want to read I bank it for later so I can focus on my current day. Especially on Wednesdays when I read all my items tagged “Strategy.”

Sanebox — Used for follow-ups to check on people I want to make fun of:

Being disciplined and vindictive is a dangerous combo

Reminders — For every event on my calendar (Google) I have reminders ping me 5 minutes before on text and my calendar, and my assistant messages me in Slack. That’s 3 points of failure, and sometimes, I need all 3 to save me from letting a meeting slip.

Google spreadsheet to keep track of contacts — Every year I sit down and ask myself, “Who am I meeting and what’s the quality of those relationships?” I keep a list of every single person I meet all year. If I’ve met 5 people, that’s not good — for me. And with this I can remember to send follow-ups, interesting articles, invitations, etc. I fight to make time for these new relationships.

To recap, this is totally different than the typical “You need this app” approach. Yes, it’s much more challenging at first because you’re forced to interrogate your own psychology. You face your emotional resistance head on, and you take control of your environment.

But once you do this, it becomes much easier. Because you no longer have to rely on willpower or motivation. I set up my systems once, and then I’m finished. Compare this to people who spend YEARS wondering why they aren’t living the life they want.

by Ramit Sethi